Warning: This chapter is super long & I'm sorry it's so long
Anyways... This is my longest chapter so far & plz read the last sentence at the end of the chapter if u don't wanna read all the other stuff I wrote.
Hope u enjoy it see u at the end of the chapter.
I'm 15
I should be out having fun
Not shuting everyone out
I'm 15
I should be having fun with my friends
Not thinking they can't actually like me
I'm 15
I should cutting paper
Not my skin
I'm 15
I should be writing letters
Not suicide notes
I'm 15
I should be living
Not just existing
I'm 15
I should enjoy being around lots of people
Not get an anxiety attack from it
I'm 15
I should be living life
Not wanting to be dead
I'm 15
I should be taking pills to help my pain
Not end it
I'm 15
I should be loved & be able to love
Not question how anyone could love me
I'm 15
I should have happy thoughts
Not suicidal thoughts
I'm 15
I should love myself
Not starve to be "skinny"
I'm 15
I should saying a first hello
Not a final goodbye
I'm 15
I should be breaking hearts
Not breaking myself
I'm 15
I should be getting heartbroken
Not wanting my heart to stop beating
I'm 15
I should want ups & downs
Not to flatline
I'm 15
I should visit the doctor
Not be rushed to the emergency room
I'm 15
I should be getting dressed up to party
Not getting depressed
I'm 15
I should use rope for rock climbing
Not to end my life
I'm 15
I should marking the days on a calender
Not my skin
I'm 15
I should only see red from a pen
Not from my cuts
I'm 15
I should be thinking about my future
Not thinking I don't have one
I'm 15
I should wear long sleeves because I'm cold
Not to hide my pain
I'm 15
I should be hiding a secret
boyfriend/girlfriend
Not the pain I inflicted on myself
I'm 15
I should be hopeful
Not hopeless
I'm 15
I should eat when I'm hungry
Not starve to be "skinny"
I'm 15
I should hear myself chew
Not my stomach growl
I'm 15
I should have obsessive calum disorder
Not obsessive compulsive disorder
I'm 15
I should be pmsing
Not being told I have a mood disorder
I'm 15
I should be visiting friends
Not therepists
I'm 15
I should be baking with my friends
Not being baker acted
I'm 15
I should enjoy attention
Not be called an attention seeker
I'm 15
I should be able to tell my friends how I feel
Not be told I'm having a "pity party"
I'm 15
I should be keeping secrets to myself
Not screams for help
I'm 15
I should love life
Not want to end it
I'm 15
I should be writing fan fictions on wattpad
Not all the thoughts that are burning holes right through me
I'm 15
I should choose not to talk
Not feel like I can't
I'm 15
All these thoughts shouldn't go through my head
I'm 15
I shouldn't feel the way I feel
But I am 15 & I may never be 16
Because I'm 15 & I just don't want to be me anymore.
Over 500 words!!! Holy shit!! My depression is getting worse & I'm starting to starve myself bc just like the taste or even thought of food makes me wanna throw up & I've noticed I look thinner so it's not entirely a bad thing. I just feel absolutely horrible bc I'll say something to my irl friends & then they see it as I just want attention but I mean is it a bad thing to want attention sometimes
I mean if I feel sad like all I want is for them to just like ask if I'm ok or something bc I'm gonna be honest yes rarely I do say things just for a little attention but it's just bc I'm really depressed & Sometimes just want someone to talk to & isn't that wat friends r for? If my friends wanted to text me like everyday to just complain & talk about how they feel to me bc it made them feel better of course I would let them do it, if it helped them but I mean not if that's all they ever talked about. Bye my children see u in my next chapter❤️
Plz read: I might delete this chapter bc it's super long just like comment "yes" if u want me to delete it or "no" of u don't. Thanx bye.
