Do you ever feel like everyone is just leaving you?
Do you ever just want to shove everyone you care about away?
Do you ever just feel so alone?
Probably not.
I just want to shove all my friends away because I feel like I'm just gonna end up getting hurt.
Like they are just gonna leave so I shove them away before they can leave.
I hate that I can't just be happy.
I hate that I had one good day and I still went to bed crying because of the things I said, the things I didn't say, and the things I shouldn't have done.
I have one good day and I still go to bed crying because I feel like my friends are leaving and like I'm just alone even though I just keep shoving them away.
I keep shoving them away but then feel so alone.
I don't want to get hurt so I shove the people I love away and I end up hurting myself because I'm not good alone.
I need someone to stick by my side no matter what but all I do is shove everyone away.
Everyone who did care about me I shoved away because I was afraid of getting hurt because they where going to leave.
I just think I'm not worthy of my friends like they shouldn't be held down by me so I shove them away when I need them most.
I'm losing all my friends because I think to much and just think they are going to leave so I shove them away to keep myself from getting hurt.
I just hate my mind it messes up my life like I had the best friends anyone could ever ask for but now they are really distant because I shoved them away and now I'm just alone.
I just want to die to end these horrible thoughts that tell me I'm not good enough, I'm too fat for anyone to love, all my friends are just going to leave so I need to shove them away first to keep myself from getting hurt, I find things that they do wrong and use that against them and I'm such a terrible person.
I don't do it on purpose I just feel like I'm gonna get hurt because everyone is going to leave me.
I can't fix the friendships I've fucked up because of my thoughts.
I guess I'm just too broken to keep friends close to me.
Wow I haven't written a long chapter in quiet some time I just had to get this out some how because I just want to cry right now but I'm in school so...
Goodbye💙
