Sins

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Oct 17.

Dear Alex,

I didn't have to work today so I went for a walk, partly because it was sunny out, but also because I was hoping I would bump into you. The wind was cutting through my jacket and making my eyes water, and even with my hands stuffed in my pockets, my fingers were turning red. It was the type of weather that makes you feel like your nose is running when it's really not.

I breathed in the cold air and let the wind whip at my face- God knows I deserve it- and I watched the people walk by and the golden-rimmed leaves tumble from the trees and land on the dying grass. With each step I fingered the twenty dollar bill I had stuffed in my pocket.

Eventually I stopped in front of a tiny shop with scarves and jackets displayed in the sun-streaked window. I stepped into the warm, cinnamon-scent of the store and wandered through the racks of winter clothing, fingering some of the fabrics. I picked up a knitted, pink scarf that is attached at the end, and a matching pair of mittens, and walked over to the counter, setting them down.

"Good morning, my dear," said the lady working the cash. She had tiny wrinkles at the side of her eyes and streaks of grey through her hair. I kept my vision trained on the ground. 

I handed her the money and she handed me a plastic bag with my purchase inside and three dollars change.

"Have a good one," she said as I left. I ditched the bag in a garbage can out front, wrapped the scarf around myself and pulled on the mittens.

Three dollars, a scarf and a pair of mittens. Sean is going to flip.

I passed a Tim Hortons and stopped to buy a coffee with my change. (I figured I may as well keep up with my sin streak as long as I've come this far). I continued walking, gripping my paper coffee cup, until I reached the docks. I sat on a bench by the river, and pretended that this was my life- simplicity.

It was easy to do with home seeming so far away and the weather being so perfect and crisp.

But, you have to understand, Alex. It's impossible to be unafraid completely. Especially now.

Love,

Carrie

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