Wayward Hearts

Dysania

Oct. 29

Dear Alex,

By the time I finished your last letter, I was sobbing into my sleeve. All the memories were coming back, and the wondering about whether there is more to this life than what I have right now. Something about you makes me want to believe it, but on the other hand, I don't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed. (Again).

So I sprawled out on the mattress with a torn afghan covering me and felt all my energy seep out of me. I closed me eyes and didn't move for the next ten hours. When I realized it was morning and I had a headache from lingering tears, I opened one eye and saw Sean lying next to me, his eyes closed. I took in the sun brushing against his hard forehead that hangs over his eyes a bit, his square jaw, his built chest moving up and down with his breath. I sighed and closed my eyes again, wanting with all my heart to stay in bed for the rest of my life.

But a few moments later, I felt him stir and slide off the mattress. He walked over and opened the window, and a gust of frozen air blew into our already cold apartment. I buried myself deeper under the blanket and scrunched my eyes shut.

He nudged me with his foot. "Get up, baby."

I groaned and curled into a ball. He knelt next to me and tickled my side and I squealed and flinched.

"Get up, it's morning," he said, and lumbered into the bathroom.

He's showering as I write this. I'm keeping these letters so hidden it's not even funny. I'm terrified of what he would do if he found out about them.

The water just stopped. I should get up. But my muscles are so sore and my heart is still heavy from yesterday- I want to sleep and sleep and sleep until you come find me and brush my lips with yours and wake me.

Oh no. I can't think like that. No. Not now, not ever. Stop corrupting me, Alex. Just... stop.

Love,

Carrie