Don't Look For Me

338 32 3
                                    

Nov. 7- later

Dear Alex,

I can't breathe.

When Sean came home today he was raging, completely. He didn't even say why. He just started yelling at me, telling me that I'm worthless and ugly. I'm a bitch and a cow and a whore. He threw me against the wall and I collapsed onto the floor. Then he did something he's never done before- he fumbled with his belt buckle and slid it out of its belt loops, like a leather snake. His breathing was heavy and his jaw was clenched, as he stood there, holding it in his hand, glaring at me in the dying evening light. I kept my eyes on it, trembling and frozen.

Then suddenly, he said through gritted teeth, "you never learn," and he raised the belt above his head-

no. no no no no no

I can't write it. I love him I love him I love him I'm not good enough for him or anybody. I'm not good enough for you. That's why I'm leaving.

You left without me, now I'm leaving without you. I can't let myself trick you into thinking I'm worthy of you. I can't bare to be the dirty urchin that makes you bleed.

Please don't look for me. Go back, Alex. Live your life.

Find your true love. I'm not it.

Love,

Carrie

Wayward HeartsWhere stories live. Discover now