We'll Brave This Storm

Chapter 19: I'd like to keep cutting, but I can't stand to watch myself bleed.

I stared across the room at my iPod & the iPod dock. I slowly connected it & put it up to maximum volume. Suddenly, a bring me the horizon song began to play. I broke down crying. That was Nate's favorite band.

I ran downstairs. Time for my escape. I grabbed a sharp knife from the kitchen drawer & we g back into my room. Closing the door. I went to my iPod & played a Bring me the horizon cd. Just to make the pain worse.

I sat in a corner. I brought the knife up to my wrist, making a big quick cut across it. I felt a sharp pain. But I could care less. I cut & cut & cut. I even cut on ones that were already starting to close.

I haven't gone to school for a week & made Mason stay away from me. He doesn't need to see me like this.

The blood dropped down my wrists, I wanted to keep going but the blood was starting to

sicken me. I dropped the knife. Sitting there. Staring at the wall. I felt bangs on the door.

I stood up slowly, making my way to the bathroom. I wiped off all the blood & went downstairs to open the door. As I did, I found my beautiful Mason standing there with worried eyes.

"Oh Alice!" he said and kissed me.

"I've missed you." he whispered, hugging me. I hugged back.

"Mason, it's best if you leave. I'm a wreck. I don't want you seeing me like this.

He walked inside, closing the door.

"I'm not listening to you anymore. I'm going to stay.

"Have you eaten?" he asked.

"No." I answered. His face became frustrated.

"You see what I mean?! Your going to end up killing yourself." he said.

He went into the kitchen, taking out a bowl & pouring cereal into it.

He took out a spoon & handed it to me.

"Eat." he commanded. "No." I said.

"Alice, do it for me. Please Alice. I can't stand to watch you stuffer like this." he pleaded.

I imagined what it would be like if it was Mason who was like this & I was the one worried. So I ate. I did it for him.

"Thank you." he whispered, looking into my eyes. He dragged me upstairs to my room. When we walked in he dropped his book bag on the floor. He was waking towards my bed.

Then he stopped in his tracks.

"Something wrong?" I asked, sitting on my bed.

He walked over to the corner I was in earlier & picked up the knife.

Shit. I forgot about the knife.

It was still covered in blood.

"What the fuck Alice? What the fuck have you been doing to yourself?" he asked. His face was red & he looked pissed off.

He walked over to me, turning my wrists aggressively.

I looked away, tears flowing.

"WHAT THE FUCK ALICE?!" he screamed. .

His grip on me tightened. He softly pushed me against the wall. His face close to mine.

"I swear to god Alice. You're fucking killing me." his hot breathe against my neck. I avoided his eyes.

He just stared at me. He let go of my grip & sat down, calming down.

Quietly, I made my way into the bathroom. I opened the toilet & knelt in front of it.

Trying to make the least noise possible I began to vomit the cereal I had ate.

But then I started to cough & gag loudly because there was a part stuck in my throat.

I managed to get it out but then Mason charged through the door, I stood up quickly, closing the toilet.

"OH YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME." He screamed. He pushed me hard against the door.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO YOURSELF?! YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELF. WHAT AM I GONNA DO IF YOU DIE?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. STOP THIS SHIT NOW."

He left the bathroom, closing the door.

The tears were filling my eyes again. I flushed the toilet & washed my mouth. Then I brushed my teeth.

I went outside the door.

"Mason?" I called. I went outside the room. "Mason?" I said again, loudly.

I ran downstairs, I saw Mason sitting on the couch. His head was hanging low & I heard him sniffiling.

I went over to him, sitting beside him.

"Mason." I whispered softly. He slightly looked up.

There were tears falling down his face.

"I love you." I managed to say.

He laughed. It wasn't an 'oh haha that's funny' laugh. It was a 'you're a fucking joke' laugh.

"You tell me you love me after you pulled all that shit? If you really loved me you wouldn't have done any of it." he replied.

"I'm sorry. I-I just feel like I can't take it anymore." I answered.

"I'm not going to watch you suffer like this. I won't let it happen. I suffer enough when I sit in class. Knowing that you're not okay. Promise me you'll eat. Promise me you won't cut yourself. Promise me you won't make yourself puke." he answered.

I sighed. "I promise."

He kissed me, "I love you Alice."