Idiot Chat ➳ m.c

Amnesia

»Ashlee«

"And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around."

Considering I didn't really want to be around Michael at the moment Luke ordered pizza. We were still sat on the couch after a good three hours. My phone had been buzzing with messages from Michael asking where I was. Luke eyed the phone as it vibrated against the coffee table. He had a soda in a red cup against his lips, but didn't take a sip of it. Instead he sat the cup on the table next to my phone.

"Are you going to tell him?"

I shook my head and wiped my tears on the hem of my shirt. I just left my phone buzzing.

"What are you going to do then?" Luke threw his hands up in the air, "you can't just push him away...that's what you're doing, isn't it?"

I rolled my eyes, getting up and shifting the empty pizza boxes from the table. Yes it was what I was doing. Michael deserves better, after all this time of making him wait for me the least I could do was tell him that. Luke was going to probably stop me if I told him so. However Luke isn't like normal people, he sometimes surprises you in the strangest of ways. He disappeared into his room. I thought he was upset or something since he'd figured me out.

When he came out with a dark tank top of his I knew that couldn't be the case. I dropped the pizza boxes into the garbage bag from earlier. As I leaned over I felt Luke's hands press against my back and push my shirt up. I was about to ask what he was doing when he pulled my shirt clean off. I turned around to face him, ready to fight for my shirt. Luke instead pulled his 'I don't trust me either' tank over my head. I didn't have to ask Luke what he was doing, he knew I was wondering silently.

"Look, if you're going to have it out with him tonight, my shirt might confuse him or just make things worse. Which I think you're hoping for." He straightened out the material. I watched as his pastel pink painted fingertips pressed so lightly and carefully against the fabric. "You're setting yourself up for hurt, you know? You really love him Ash."

"I do." I took a deep breath, I didn't want to overthink it all. Otherwise I might wimp out and keep being selfish. I did love Michael, so much, but you know what they say. "But sometimes when you love someone, you have to let them go. Because their happiness is much more important than yours. Michaels happiness is more important than mine."

Luke's arms wrapped around me. He pulled me into his chest tightly and just held me there. "It's not, Ash. Your happiness is just as important."

I took my own t-shirt from Luke's delicate hands and turned away from him. I moved for the door, placing my hand on the doorknob. I was ready to leave, but I knew I had to finish the conversation with Luke before I did, "I gave up on my happiness long ago." With a single melancholic line and a twist of the doorknob I was out of the apartment, I was on my way.

On my way to ruin mine and Michael's future together. Not that I could ever give him one to begin with.

xxx

"Hey Ash," Michael said as I entered Ashton's house. Or well, our house. He had flipped open a pizza box and was chewing on a slice with a grin.

"Hi Mike," I said a little more flatly. I was still trying to think about what to say to him, I hadn't noticed my little mistake. I sat on the couch and turned on the tv, trying to drown out my loud thoughts aggravating me.

I stared at the white image in front of my eyes, static blurring my vision, a crackling sound filled the room. I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at it and try to focus on the sound that was droning on. I couldn't. All I could do was focus on the beating of my heart — how it thumped against my chest. It was angry at me. My body was angry at me and I was angry at my body; for not being good enough for the boy I love. For Michael.