Idiot Chat ➳ m.c

Drown

»Ashlee«

"Save me from myself."

I told Michael to move on with his life, to find another girl. It's been a two weeks since then. And he did exactly that. I wasn't surprised either. I pushed him away too far, he wasn't coming back anytime soon. It was better this way, he would be happier this way. I tried to ignore my own emotions when I'd heard rumours floating about school of his new girlfriend. I knew Michael could get any girl in the school easy. It turned out that the rumours weren't rumours after all.

Her name was Lana. Sweet enough girl. Ash told me she was in his art class, she had a thing for hands. Sure enough she'd seen Michael's hands and many other things publicized on the photos put up around school a few weeks ago. I wouldn't know what Michael was doing at the moment. I wouldn't have even known what day it was if my phone hadn't of reminded me two minutes ago. There is many stages of missing someone, I was at the last stage. I knew it was my fault, I pushed him away, I caused this.

Luke was right, I was only setting myself up for pain. However knowing that I created this pain is what made it seem a little better. I just can't stop thinking of Michael, I want it to stop. Every time I turn around I almost expect him to be there, with his dyed hair, ripped skinny jeans, classic smile on his milky white face. Whenever I think of something important all I can think of is telling him about it, only to realise he isn't there. Only to realise that he isn't talking to me. Only to realise he's with Lana.

I was avoiding the lunch table. I was avoiding mostly everyone. Hiding out under the bleachers was the best decision I'd ever made, that was until Calum found me. We'd always been slightly close but never as close as Michael and I were. Turns out he was lonely too, that's why the ebony haired boy came and found me. Beth was away on a family trip to America and wasn't due back for another week. He sat under the bleachers with me. He didn't say anything, neither did I. He simply pulled out a box of cigarettes from his bag with a lighter.

It was a simple agreement made in silence. Never tell anyone else about the box of cigarettes. Never tell anyone that we smoke under the bleachers at recess and lunch. I had never been one for smoking, due to the risks and all but it was something that Calum felt we both needed. Just for the moment. It was only a temporary agreement. I knew it would break once Beth came back from America.

This behaviour went on for another week, silence between us. Until the day Calum told me his secret. The thing he'd been hiding, from the boys. He said it might upset them, and either make or break them. He'd been holding onto this for so long that he still felt hesitant to let it go. However he couldn't hold onto his secret anymore, it was making him sick. "You know that one month holiday between term three and term four? Well, there was this guy that found out about our band. He turned out to be the manager for that big band Blue Forest, they're touring around America. He asked if we'd like to be the support act, so I said yes. That's in about three weeks. I don't think the boys are ready, but it'd be too good of an opportunity to pass up."

He passed me his cigarette as another silent agreement. Calum would eventually tell the boys, I had no doubt in that. It was just the matter of whether they would go or not. Blue Forest was a famous three piece band, they gradually worked their way up to fame after their guitarist died from a stage accident. It was all over the media and people sympathized with the band but they got a lot of exposure from the accident. Causing them to rise to fame so quickly. I kinda found the whole situation sad, but then I found everything sad since I pushed my own happiness away.

It was how Davy Jones locked his heart in a chest. I had locked my emotions in Michael. I knew I couldn't love anyone else. I couldn't move on like Michael did. I knew I wasn't good enough for anyone, I was just a curse upon them. My body was a curse. The school bell rung, disconnecting me from my melancholic thoughts. I put out my cigarette against the metal of the bleachers. I stood up on my own, holding out a hand to help Calum up. He accepted graciously as we emerged from our hiding place. Nobody was around to see, they'd already scurried inside to get to their classes. I was clearly lacking in the eager as I took my time. Calum said a short goodbye before taking the opposite direction, across the football field to the science block.