[SDMN] Imagines

Schizophrenic Pop #6: Trûst

To put my hand in yours, is like signing a paper having only read the first sentence.

I think I know what it's about.

I will learn about the details one day.  

But by then it may be too late.

My judgement is skewed. Trust is about faith and I have no faith in myself to begin with.

My signature is a forgery. I don't really trust anyone.

They've all betrayed me. Forgotten me.

I should've read the whole paper. I should've learned from my mistakes.

but I don't listen to myself. Because I have no faith in myself.
~
Harry wears a blindfold and armor on his chest to protect his heart but his arms are open, bare skin for the world to touch.

He goes through mood swings. Sometimes he's an open door and sometimes he's shut.

Most of the time he's locked.

His words are a gate and his body is the lock. The key is in his hand.

Once a year he opens up, and every time,

He got Love hurt. So he's stopped.

He then started playing a trick on me where he would lie to me.

He too faked it. He only made me trust a liar so I'd get injured. A reminder to never trust. Anyone.

Trust is untrustworthy.

I begged for him to stop. The game got old and boring.

He promised to never hurt me again. But in return I must cut myself from the outside and live with myself. Only my thoughts to talk to. You've seen how dangerous it gets.

I think he wants me to be trapped with everyone. I'm not aloud to be free.

His words make me rattle and shake. I begin to question everything.

I want to know what it's like to be able to love freely. Yet nobody seems to feel what I do. They want me to be... honest, but they won't clean my mess when I dump out my bottle of emotions onto the table.

It's best to keep it all internalized and only "trust" myself;
I'm basically stabbing myself in the heart.

Do I trust Trust?

No.

But I have to. Who else would I listen to for directions? Myself?

No.

It's a constant circle of internal pain. And I'm looking for a corner.