[SDMN] Imagines

Schizophrenic Pop #4: Ãnxïētÿ

He lives in the images of death.

He's all my dark thoughts.

He's the most innocent form of pure evil.

He's JJ.

He glitches out. He's deformed and discolored. I can only see his smile clearly. He wears a mask to disguise himself as me in public.

He's an error I was born with. He's a disease that has infected my brain. He hides in the corner of my mind. He's cold, heartless. There's no blood running through him.

Maybe that's why he has a thirst for it. But why mine? I refuse to let him have it. 

I fight a war to keep him caged up. What's the point too? Josh always breaks him free.

He's my shadow. Creeping behind me.

He's the reflection in the mirror. Everything I hate. I'm scared of, he emphasizes.

He breaks the mirror and crawls out. His pixelated hands pierce my throat. This way I can't scream for help.

No one would believe me anyways.

I struggle to stay sane. Not let his words change me. I won't give in. He fights for control. He takes my
Hope.

You would think he's mean and cruel. Scaring me unexpectedly from behind.

But he's not.

He's just a bottle of worries and nerves like me. Like me,
Gripping my hands for comfort which makes them shake because he too is,

shaking
Distracts me

from my focus with things I need not worry: the future, the past, and sometimes I don't know. I think i may just be delusional. He's just scared

He just wants me to trash my own party. Start his own party with Josh. Ruin my little moment of happiness,,,

Unlike the rest he lives below, in my stomach. Jumping around in a constant panic. Sleeps on my heart, crushing it-It beats-faster.

His fearful words crawl across my skin.

He pins me against myself. I look in the mirror. I'm like a kitten seeing it's reflection for the first. Startled and afraid. Hostile. Banging it's head against it's copy. I have double vision now. Who's who?

Finds comfort in my imagination but that brings out the worst in me; the alternate-me.

He screams, crawling into my mouth and tries to pry it open. I
clench
it shut.

He's buried deep within my like my tears and fears. Deep. Internal. An Eternal demise.

In one sense he's another version of me. The murderer inside of me. He eats my morals and sensibility.

He drowns me in the black waves of death. I breath in the smoke. I've lost sight. Seeing images no one should encounter.

Blood. Is it mine? It might be related.

Guns and knives.

Even a pen is a weapon. The ink is the tears of my thoughts on paper. They stain the page with a permanent tattoo of His poisonous words. My cry for help.

Telling me I should embrace the other side of myself. I've kept hidden because it would scare others. An area I have refused to explore.

I shake my head attempting to push him out. He spreads further. Trying to infect my heart and kill it.

Once I'm weak and nothing but a shell, he forces himself inside of me and takes my shape. Transforming me into a psychopath.

"KiLL"

I can't deal with myself. This is how it ends. I let the animal in loose. I unchain JJ. In another sense, he isn't me.

"wAtCH iT"

He's dangerous. Destroying my life. He'll hurt everyone, not just me.

"ThROw aWaY youR LIFe"

"lIVe iN deAtH"

"be THe fiRe THAt bUrNS In hEll"

You see me rocking in the corner?
He's shaking me.
Whispering to myself?
I'm begging him to die.

I shake his hand. Promising a part of me at a price too high.

But it's worth the rush of blacking out.