[SDMN] Imagines

Schizophrenic Pop #1: Dēprēssïøn

He follows me.

I can't hide.

I can't breathe.

I can't smile.

I can't sleep. I want to. Forever.

He won't let me. Go. Or be, free.

My mind is his playground. My body is his toy. I eat mindlessly because my brain is dead. My body functions like a machine, trying to stay alive on it's own, but it's slowly breaking down.

I have to go to a party tonight. He's making me go just to annoy me. To remind me I'm his and that I'm trapped in my own body.

"Please let me go... I don't want to face the world. No one likes me."

I tell him.

"I like you. Go because I will be there. Because I want you to, and you have no choice."

He tells me.

His name is, Josh. And his hands are covered with blackness. They are the darkness that covers my vision. He's littered with metaphorical lines I made. Although the bulky sleeves keep them covered - never to be seen.

He's never far behind.
~
He floats next to me and straightens my bowtie for me. Smiling with a devilish grin fangs flashed.

He's my only friend. I'm married to my depression. He holds my hand with his blackened one. He won't let go. He has a leash on me that holds me back from help. His words are chains that tighten every time I struggle for freedom. I scream at night when his hands violate me and pull me down.

Someone is actually talking to me. I feel kind of okay right now. But Josh is having none of that. He slaps a hand on my mouth. I'm now afraid to speak. I've been stricken with fear, which brings my anxiety. The other person leaves confused by my silence. Josh has a muzzle to keep me from shouting for help.

His ghostly body blocks my view. His soulless eyes stare into my dull ones. He grabs my face and whispers,

"Have you forgotten who your real date is?"

And drags me away. I don't fight back. I can't win.

I sit in the corner, watching everyone else conjugate. I've learned not to try to be happy, or make friends. I can only fail. I cry. This is the only thing Josh lets me do.
~
At home I stand in my room.

As Josh manipulates my body.

Pressing his fingers to my head.

Wrapping his arms around my body.

Telling-, reminding me of who I am.

Or rather who I'm not. As some people say. But I don't believe them. I'm too far gone.

Eventually Josh lets me sleep. But only to wake me up. I try to get up so I can walk off the dark thoughts. But he sits on me. Pinning me down. Shortening my breath. I have no choice but to try to go back to sleep. I hope he doesn't wake me up once more.

I don't want to see him again.

I

don't

want

to

....