Tucked (REWRITING/EDITING-)

18

Emma.

The sun shines through the window, a pleasant change from yesterday's rain. But not my window. Hell yeah not my window! I roll over in the tangled mess of sheets and look at a still sleeping Eli. I wonder how long we slept. I would check my phone but its on the nightstand on the other side of the bed. Oh well. I settle into the covers and savor the moment. I start to doze off and unconsiously snuggle into Eli's chest.

I'm awoken by a certain handsome young guy. He's gazing at me.
"Morning gorgeous." He says, a grin on his adorable face.

"Good morning." I reply with a smile. Eli wraps an arm around me and we stay like this for a while.

"I love you so much." He whispers, brushing a stray hair from my face.

"I love you too."

Then, the sweet moment is interrupted by an alarm. Where is that coming from? Ah, its my phone. But, I don't have an alarm on weekends... Eli gets up and sits on the edge of the bed, holding my phone. The alarm stops.

"What's the doctors appointment for?" He asks casually, standing up and turning to face me.

"Oh, shit. I forgot about that today. Its... its... um..." I say, a cold hand gripping my heart. Please no. I don't want to ruin this.

"Emma. Is everything okay? " Eli asks, worry clouding his face.

"Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. Not exactly..." I'm really not okay.

"You can tell me anything. Please, Em."

I take a deep breath. "Okay...About a month ago, I started having pains in my left side, the abdomen. I went to get it checked out a few days before you left. The results came back yesterday, and I... I..." Why is this so hard?

Eli looks terrified. "Emma... what are you saying?"

"I have ovarian cancer." I burst into tears.

Eli looks shocked. The blood drains from his face, and he... he just looks shattered.

"No. No, it can't be. Are they sure? They... they can't..." he splutters.

I nod, a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

"They can't take you away too. No. You'll make it. What going to... how long..."

"I don't know. That's what the appointment today is for." I say solemnly.

"Okay." Eli stands up and paces. He paces and paces, whisiering to himself, still pale.

"Eli. I'm not Abigail. I'll make it. I'm not going anywhere." I say, getting up and approaching him.

"I know. It's just that I should have been here. You've been helping Nina, and had this on your back, all on your own. I'm so mad at myself. I should have fought harder. I'm so sorry. Emma... you are the strongest person I know." He says, holding my shoulders.

"This isn't your fault." I embrace him in a bear hug.

Eli.

This is my fault. Not the cancer, obviously, but what Emma had to go through. Alone. I'm so mad, not ever at her, but myself. She had to go to her appointment, find out more, how much time she has. She's keeping it together better than I am. Jesus. I want to punch something.

Emma.

I probably shouldn't have left him alone. It's not like he's an untrained dog or anything, but there are breakable things in his apartment. This only crosses into my mind after I'm sitting in the waiting room.

"Caldwell." The receptionist says, her toad like mouth barely moving when she speaks. I like the other one better. I stand up, holding my bag, and go into the exam room.

Doctor Bridgman stands with his back to me, holding my future. I stare at the papers and zone out for a second until he notices me.

"Ah, Emma. Good to see you. How are you feeling?"

"Well, the cancer isn't helping my mood." I say sarcastically, then remember my manners. "But not too bad."

"Well, lets get started then. Basically, you're going to have to have a surgery to remove the tumor. That should leave you cancer free, but if it doesn't, we'll have to put you on chemotherapy. The surgery has an 80 percent chance of working, but... I'm afraid you won't be able to ever have children. You do have a good chance of survival."

"Okay. So... have you talked to my parents?"

"Yes. They want you to come home for the surgery. I agree, frankly. This is a time to be with family." He smiles sympathetically.

"Alright. Thank you." I say, avoiding eye contact. I can't believe this. I never really said I wanted kids badly, but I always figured it would be part of my life. Unspoken. Not anymore.

As I leave the building, my phone starts to ring. My parents. I send them to voicemail and start heading home. As I walk down the sidewalk I bump into someone's shoulder abruptly, and fall not so gracefully to the ground, dropping my bag. The bumpee turns around and rushes over to me. He holds out his hand to help me up, and a flash of recognition comes over his face. Well, I should hope so. I had a crush on this guy for four years.

"Damien?"

"Emma?"

Eli.

Without even thinking about it, I find myself in Nina's. I automatically come here whenever I'm upset, because, duh, comfort food, and Nina is my go-to therapist. She sees me dash in, and instantly sees somethings wrong. She runs over to me and settles me down with a hot cocoa. I tell her everything, well, not what happened last night. Just this morning.

Her face becomes more worried every second.

"Poor Emma. This must be so difficult." Nina says sadly.

"And I should have been here. At least she had you."

"Yes, I suppose, but she never told me. She came to me about you."

We go on like this for a while, until I start to feel better. A combination of cinnamon buns and advice does wonders.