I toss and turn in my bed. The wind from my window tickles at my face in an annoying way. Now that I think about it, leaving my window open at night was probably not a good idea. I turn my back to the window, but I still can't sleep. Something is bothering me.
It's not the fact that I can hear everyone's wandering thoughts at night, the slowly ticking of the teenage insanity. It's not the buzz of darkness from my neighborhood. It's the faint music playing in the back of my head.
I turn on my back and close my eyes, but the music is getting louder. I'm squeezing my eyes shut now, the lyrics coming into focus.
I can hear them loud and clear. I finally sit up, grab my notebook and pen on my nightstand, and scribble the lyrics over and over on my paper, crying and rocking back and forth as I do so.
I do this for an hour. My hand Is throbbing. I lay back down, hands over my face. I yelp, wanting to rip my hair out until the music in my head stops.
"Be in control, grace, be in control." I try to say to myself. It doesn't work. I grit my teeth, the music is blaring like I'm standing right next to a stereo, my ear pressed against it. It's all in my head, though.
All in my head.
I fall asleep, the lyrics branded into my brain, slowly memorizing the song as I drift.
that night,
I dreamt a weird dream, with the song playing in the background.
And wind from my window tickling my back.
