Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Twenty-Six

Black began to fill the edges of my vision, annoyingly granting me quick snippets of the life outside of my prison cell, as lights and colors changed around me. I didn't know what was happening. The pain of the liquid down my throat, burning and searing as it destroyed me, started to fade into a river of aching- a numbness I had become familiar with. I couldn't move; I couldn't find my limbs to do so, but I could hear voices- crazed, loud, and desperate over the quiet slow thumps of my heart, which echoed throughout the hollowness of my body.

As my mind caught up to what was occurring around me, I realized these voices- frantic, but yet quiet as if my ears were filled with water- were trying to save me. How naïve they were. In the small gaps between my eyelids and cheeks, I could detect the blues and whites, and the shades of skin. I would have been laughing if I could, for why would they be saving someone who wanted to go? I desired the tranquillity of death like a baby devouring their first breath.

Couldn't they tell how desperate I was to escape this world? The same world that deprived me of my family, my loved ones.

Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Stop!

I could do naught but let them try to save me, prod at my skin as if I was a mere vegetable. For I was only an object now, was I not? 

*_*_*_*_*

A tedious beep was the first indication that I was alive, as it marked my ever-lasting heartbeat, followed by my breathing that had begun to quicken as disappointment rushed through me. I was alive. I had yet again failed. 

How disturbing it was to be so crushed, feeling as if I was denied my basic human right before I had even opened my eyes. Honestly, I was dreading it. I knew where I was as the disgusting overbearing scent of disinfectant and the way the machines were in sync with my body. 

"You're awake." I recognized his voice, I would from anywhere; how much I wanted to hide behind unconsciousness, and never wake up, was unfathomable. With my eyes still closed, I pulled back a little from the voice, squirming away.

"Get up," he continued. 

I didn't want to see Jacob, not yet. But I knew, with a hideous thought that entered my mind, that I would be seeing the boy more now. There was no getting away from him- not even the almighty death. I was trapped. Trapped alive as everyone around me, who I loved, left and died. Why did they get the luxury?! Why couldn't I?! 

Knowing I would receive a punishment if I didn't open my eyes, I began to twitch the skin around my eyes, trying to find where everything was again. Please don't make me do this, I'm not ready! 

Reluctantly, slowly, I fluttered open my eyes, shutting them instantly when light filtered through the small gaps. I didn't want to do this, I really didn't. 

"Get the doc," Jacob instructed lowly to someone in the room. Who was here? Did they hate me too? Would they hurt me? In order to protect myself, I put everything I had into opening my eyes and keeping them open. I knew I wouldn't be able to defend myself if Jacob or one of the pack was to strike me, but it was better having a forewarning- to brace myself, than a hit coming to me out of the blue. 

Instantly, I saw Jacob, he was hovering over me menacingly, waiting for my arrival. I couldn't move, paralyzed with shock and fear. The noise in the background sped, boldly showcasing my fear. I was an object for his pleasure. Behind his looming presence, I could see the faded blues of the walls and cream blinds, which were unmercifully closed. They didn't want anyone to see in. 

To see the true me. 

Neither of us talked while I struggled to remain eye contact with the beast, he was unwavering- daring me to utter a word.