Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Forty-Eight

"Where would you like to go to eat?" Edward asked as he pulled out of the supermarket parking lot and onto the freeway. I bit my lip thinking about what I fancied.

"McDonald's?" I asked, wanting salty chips and a juicy burger.

"Alright," Edward answered, switching on the indicator to make the first exit on the roundabout.

"What music you got?" I asked as I opened the glove compartment. It was a small and awkward place to fit CDs, but Edward managed to fit seven cases in there. Out of the seven, I recognized two, Linkin Park and Debussy. "You haven't changed your music collection in here for at least two years," I commented, remembering Edward playing Debussy in the car, which seemed like forever ago. 

"It reminded me of you, I couldn't take it out." Edward shrugged but there was a buried sadness in his eyes. Instantly, I placed my hand over his, which was situated on the gearstick. He threaded his fingers in between mine.

"Would you be opposed to Linkin Park?" I eyed the CD of Hybrid Theory. Edward rose an eyebrow at my choice but correctly didn't comment. 

"No, go ahead. I need to learn your music tastes, they've evidently changed drastically."

"I suppose, the heavier the better for me now," I answered. "Music has helped me through a lot," I added hesitantly as I inserted the disc.

"How do you mean, sweetheart?"

I frowned, thinking. "After Charlie died, whenever I would be in pain, no matter if it was emotional or physical, I would play a song in my head to distract me. Metal normally worked the most," I said, thinking about the times Jacob hit me and I would be listening to music. Distraction. Distraction. Distraction. The rhymes in the lyrics and the unintentional way the words were relatable made it beyond easy to think of particular songs in the worst of times. 

"Is that what you were doing when you were having the pelvic exam?" Edward murmured, constantly flicking his eyes from me to the road.

"That's exactly what I was doing," I said before the music loaded, I turned it onto my favorite track, By Myself. It was one of those songs that I could relate to as it focused on my cutting. My lips silently said the lyrics as they went, not daring to actually sing and rap.

"I can't rely on myself," the speakers blasted, "I can't hold on." Edward's body was stiff as he listened to the lyrics, his hand was holding mine above the gear, and his eyes were trained on the road. 

A few more songs went through until I saw the angelic golden M of McDonald's; thankfully, there were enough parking spaces free to prevent any struggle, and when we had found a slot a row before the door, Edward turned to look at me. 

"Wait here, please," Edward said, eyes light and unconcerned. Nonetheless, worry clouded my brain, and I stupidly remembered the day Jacob had locked me in the car as he bought coffees at the gas station. 

"Why?" 

"Just trust me," Edward said before opening his car door, leaving my heart to hammer in my chest. My hand reached up to clasp the door handle, but when I realized why Edward was jogging around the front of the car to my side, I released my hold. He was merely opening my door. 

Smiling, I stepped out. 

"I wanted to open the car door for you, which you will need to get used to, no complaints." Smiling and shaking my head at his manners, which were rare in these modern days, I grasped Edward's hand and walked inside.

*_*_*_*_*

After collecting my food, Edward and I sat down near the window opposite each other on the faded green booth. I slapped my food down on the table in front of me while Edward gracefully slid across. Thankfully, I was becoming accustomed to the loud noise and vast amount of people, as McDonald's was beyond crowded.