Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"How did you believe me so quickly?" Edward murmured, hurt under his tone of stability. My hand was grasped in his, his fingers entwined with my swollen ones, and his thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand. I was always comfortable with him...only with him, it seemed. 

"Mm?" I hummed, not sure what he was talking about with his very abrupt question.

"When I told you I was leaving, you believed I didn't want you so easily. Even though I told you millions of times how much I love you," Edward said, the hurt still latched to his voice, stubbornly staying there until he received his answer. I struggled how to start, remembering all the times the pack had told me truths about myself. 

"Well, when you pulled away I started to think I wasn't good enough, heck, I always thought that. Then you said I wasn't good for you and you didn't want me, and I knew that you finally realized how ordinary I was. I thought you'd enjoy your distractions more than me," I whimpered. Edward remained silent for a second. So I carried on, unable to stop myself.

"The pack only confirmed my predictions, not really meaning to. They said repeatedly how I wasn't good enough and a range of insults, so I never thought of you as lying after." I bit my lip, looking down as I heard Edward's breathing cut off. Presumably due to anger, knowing Edward. 

"Bella," Edward addressed before an audible gulp and a dessert of silence. "I'm so stupid," was all I heard as his mumbles under his breath became his vampire speed. "I'm sorry, so sorry." He attempted, very carefully, to pull away from my hand, guilty of his actions. 

"Edward," I warned him to stop, his hand froze. "It's fine, it's over now," I breathed, only now realizing the obvious. It was over...I had escaped and I was free. This break wasn't just an interlude before I would be thrown back in there, and the boxing bell would ding to start the next round. No, I had fled from the fight and had succeeded in something I had originally not wanted, surviving. 

"Bella, what is it?" Edward's mumbles finally stopped to ask me as the silence grew and expanded in this room, filling the atmosphere with a suspense that Edward was desperate to break. It was his natural reaction to expect the worst. 

"I'm not going back, am I?" I asked, dazed, my eyes on the window, watching the white clouds breeze quickly by, making me internally cold as I could only imagine the temperature out there. 

"Where? Forks? Of course not! I will never allow you near them-" His volume continued to raise until I started to cower back, stopping him instantly mid-sentence. I turned to look at him, seeing his face close to mine with his solid and protective features on display. 

"I'm free," I said more to myself.

"You are."

The conversation flowed effortlessly after while I had force Edward to promise me he would never leave me out on something that involved me greatly. He would also, always be honest. No matter how little the lie would be, it was still a lie. I couldn't deal with half-truths and dishonesty anymore...That was how Jacob entered our conversation.

"Where is he?" Everyone knew who 'he' was so I didn't have to explain. Edward studied my face again, looking to see a weakness. 

"He's dead."

I sucked in a sharp breath, my ears picking up how quickly my heart belted. Dead. Dead. Dead. Instantaneously as Edward confessed, I was taken back to the first days Jacob began to become closer to me, those days when I was renovating the cottage. Like a movie, while I sat in the front row, I saw a flash of each day, so fast that if a projector was showing the film it would have been producing smoke. The final picture was of Jacob lying on that metal bed my mother and Phil were once on, lifeless with the color drained from his face, and completely unaware the woman he hated was watching him as his eyes were slammed shut.