Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Four

When my throat felt as if an animal was scratching at its walls, and my eyes were stinging dry, I picked my body up from the ground with the help of a surrounding tree and stumbled to the sweet cottage.

 I didn't know how long I had been crying, I didn't care, Charlie was as fine as he was with Billy and Harry, and I was fine out here.

Before I could become impatient, I saw the house and like the first time I saw it, I felt as though the beauty was hypnotizing me to walk to it and inside. Needless to say, I found myself sat down on the wooden flooring before the balcony, gazing at the view of the tree tops and the pond, which was still breath-taking.

 I would never tire of it. 

I must have sat there for hours, just thinking. Mainly the same question of; is this all life is? as the sun started to set in front of my eyes, making the sky becoming enchanted with magical colors of violet, indigo and pink. Reluctantly, I took the sunset as my queue to leave, since I didn't want to be walking through the woods at night. 

Apart from me tripping twice on my way home, I made it home safe, hearing the loud cheers of whatever game that was on T.V before I opened the front door. From the fact that Harry's car was still parked beside mine, I was sure they were still here. 

"Hello, Bella," Billy called when he saw me pass. in reply, I held my hand up for a wave in return, slightly surprised to see Charlie still awake and not asleep at this time of night. 

"Did you have a nice time, Bells?" Charlie asked, preventing me from rotating around and going straight to bed. I nodded for an answer, knowing what Charlie was doing. It was only natural for him to be curious as to where I was going every day, and so whenever I arrived home, the questions would begin, and they were always the same ones. I was sure that Charlie must have thought I was in a gang of some kind. Since what he was doing was now a basic procedure, I guessed the next words that fell out of his mouth before he said them. 

"Where did you go?" Aha, I guessed correctly. I always answered the same. Very short. Very vague. 

"For a walk." I shrugged, glancing at Harry and Billy either side of Charlie, who were looking at the screen, pretending not to listen to our short conversation. "I'm going to go to bed," I announced, stopping Charlie from asking any more ridiculous questions. Billy and Harry turned their heads to me. "Night," I said to be polite. It wouldn't surprise me if they were talking about me and my answers as I did my usual nightly routine; shower, get dressed for bed, brush teeth, brush wet hair, and go to the toilet. 

Finally, I climbed into bed with Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibility, one of my favorites of Austin's. Although every time I looked at a line, I felt as though I was forgetting something, it was like an itch, always pressing to just be done, becoming more annoying as my brain would start to think more of it.

 I knew, as I did every night if I forgot, what I had not done.

Open my window.

I would, stupidly, open my window every night. Just in case, a hope, that he would return- and in the fragile and desperate state I was in, I would forgive him. I wasn't desperate for love, no- I would never go running to Mike Newton because I needed a rebound- I was desperate for Edward.

His voice; the velvet soothing voice that was like a lullaby to my ears, his touch; ice cold but when we touched the sparks and internal fire masked it, my body craved it, his laugh; the noise which would instantly hold my hundred percent attention...which led on to his smile; his crooked smile that I would have given anything to see again, it was perfect. He was perfect to me, not just in looks but his gentleman manner, protectiveness, jealousy and his stubborn ways. We clashed like black and white with our stubbornness but we worked around it because we loved each other. I still did, even after he shattered my heart and took my soul with him.