Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Thirty

Also, the song is Romeo And Juliet by Dire Straits. It will feature later in this chapter.

*_*_*_*_*

I was experiencing the worst type of crying, with my lips trembling, refusing to stop, tears building in my eyes, blurring my surroundings, and my form bent over as I tried to suck in my breaths silently, praying that he wouldn't wake up; but it hurt, really hurt, and then my legs buckled underneath me and I fell on the bathroom floor. A complete mess. Despite my futile tries, I couldn't control myself for I couldn't stop the shaking sobs that just had to stay silent.

There was always nights like these, where I would cry so hard that I had to leave the bedroom and go somewhere else so I didn't wake him. There were also nights that I would feel nothing- a time when I couldn't feel the furniture around me and the emotions that made me, sometimes it was a relief to have a break from the injuries that divided my limbs, especially as the punishments became more severe. However, no matter what state I was in, what time of day it was, or what I was doing, Edward was always on my mind.

He was the only one who could save me now; no matter how dependent that made me, I could only blame the grief from those who I had lost, and how the abuse had reduced me.

There was never really a specific cause to my crying, it was always at night when I would over think things, about my past and future; this time, though, I was staring at the marks on the wooden bed, where I had put a tally as to how many days I was here. Stupidly, I had compared my self-inflicted scars to the lines I had scraped on the bed: there was so, so many. 

In utter despair, I broke, weeping my heart out. 

With the trails of tears being created on my cheeks, I began thinking about everything else, my parents, the college which I would never be attending, my last day at Phoenix high school, my school 'friends' at Forks high school, and the last year I had endured.

 It was too much for me to handle, therefore, as my breathing became heavy and fast, I stumbled into the bathroom, petrified of what Jacob would do if I woke him. 

My lips uttered the same four sentences, over and over, a circle of pleas and whines that were directly sourced from the heart. 

"I'm tired. I can't do this. Please, please, someone help me. I'm so tired."

*_*_*_*_*

It was day seventy, making the date October twenty-fifth.

Frost started to appear outside laying upon the dead leaves, while the chilling wind blew subtly, turning over the many stray leaves. Even though it was only October, I went outside with gloves, double layers, a hat, and a scarf because my body was weak and delicate, and more affected by the bitter weather than the average human. 

Standing on the balcony, arms wrapped around my torso,  I viewed the magical forest in all its fall beauty, as the rustic leaves were picked up and twirled together in the breeze that bit my nose, and the silhouettes of the leafless abandoned trees were picturesque in the sundown and sunrise colors. Out of the confinements of the cottage, I could smell the dampness of nature, which would drift into the house if I had left the window open. However, I rarely did now as I shivered at the slightest drop in temperature. 

It was later in the day when Jacob called me from the study, booming his voice out. "Isabella! Get your ass in here." Like an obedient dog, I followed his instructions promptly, trying to prevent a punishment for being slow. 

"It's Leah's birthday today," Jacob said, slumped down on the sofa, remote beside him as he watched the football. I stayed still in the doorway, not wanting to 'invade his personal space', and kept my back straight. "Of course, she hates you," he smirked. "So you're not coming. But!" He held his finger up, calling his terms before I could sigh with relief. "As I'm a caring person, and don't want you to go on a suicide mission again," he rolled his eyes, sitting forward as if this was a business deal. "You have four minutes to collect everything you will need- food, water, a bucket, and even toilet paper if you want!" he laughed. "But remember, I will be checking what you have decided to bring before leaving you."