Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Fifty-Five

I used to think life wouldn't test me any further, and that the constant pain I felt in Forks wouldn't return to me with the same intensity, especially after Edward pronounced the love he harbored for me.

Life couldn't steep that low again. Could it?

But it did. The growing ball of fire that routed from my neck, to my heart, and down my body like a river, was as if my emotional pain had met its contestant and was facing the physical pain to equalize it, with the threatening voices that I had endured for a long year, finally spilling out of me and taking their toll as well.

My entire body was on fire.

I could vividly remember the feeling of when Jacob spilled coffee over me in the car, and my hand on the hob, and the hot sauce spilling on my hip.

Burning: it was like that. Just a million times worse.

I begged Edward to make it stop as soon as it started. Screamed. Pleaded. Begged. Only to receive countless apologies in return. Rosalie, next to Edward, told him that everyone said the same thing, for someone to kill them and make the pain go. It was apparently 'normal'.

I screamed a 'shut up' at her in reply.

I was in too much pain to see their reaction but their silence said it all. The acid bath I was being soaked in made the seconds feel like decades, I remembered Edward moving me into our room, but even with his vampire speed, it felt like forever until my back hit the soft surface of the bed.

It was the fire's doing, making time slower.

Edward didn't leave my side, no matter where or when we were, I was always in his arms, skin on skin, and I was as grateful as if I were in the fire without him, I would have been petrified. His hand raked through my hair, down my cheek, under my eyes, and on my lips, but not even his ice touch could cool my body as I struggled to breathe.

I tried to keep my own promise of not screaming. I knew from experience that the only thing it did was either hurt my voice or hurt Edward. There was no point. Crying my lungs out wasn't going to rid me of the pain, extinguish the fire, but only cause Edward to beat himself up more.

I no longer felt nor heard Edward. I couldn't physically feel anymore, a familiar feeling that I had experienced more than once, and so with my unfocused eyes, clouded with insufferable pain, I would find my voice and try to get him to come back.

"Edward," I tried to say, I must have succeeded as he replied.

"It's okay, Bella, I'm here. I'm not going to leave you," he cooed, bringing my hand to his cheek and stroking it. I didn't have any control over my body, and I wished I could feel his touch but my lava bath made my limbs feel like they had melted, meaning my hand, foot or stomach could have been anywhere for all I knew.

I attempted my normal tactics of helping me through the pain, the breathing patterns- which couldn't be used as I wasn't in control, or the mental music- another fail as my mind couldn't concentrate on anything other than the pain. So I just settled for being there. I did nothing. I could do nothing.

When the sun started to set for the day, lighting the room in different reds and pinks, my mind went AWOL as I thought about possible dangers in the dark. I didn't know if one of the pack would barge through the door or window, kill Edward and then me. Possibilities would fall through my shut off mind quickly before they dissolved in my fizzing brain.

I felt like I wanted to break down in tears and surrender, screaming "I give up." There was only so much I could take and constant torture again, was something I felt like I couldn't do. My guard was down when I was in pain, it made me an easy target to anyone who wanted to destroy me- so, I pretended there was a wall around me to give a fake protection and to relieve fear. I pretended that they wouldn't be able to touch me, and if they did they would land on their knees in the same intolerable pain I was enduring.