Unforgivable Lacerations

Chapter Five

Mr. Penfold had left three hours after he came; however, it felt like a forever had passed before I stepped out of my room as time tortured me by only passing a minute when it felt like it was an hour.

Now, though, I was reluctantly driving Charlie to Billy's in La Push, not feeling in the mood, not having a motivation to smile, make conversation, and act as if I wasn't falling apart. I was constantly biting my lip, scratching my forearm, and biting my nails at any stop light, trying to distract my mind to prevent myself from crying. This morning had been a long one, I was already tired.

"We won't stay late." Charlie broke the silence. "I'm a bit tired." He yawned, looking out of the window as the greenery rushed passed, not fast enough to create a blur, though.

"We can always go to Billy's another day, he'll understand," I said silently hopeful, trying to find the smallest excuse to turn this truck around and hide under the covers of my bed for the rest of the day, listening only to the sounds of Claire De Lune.

"No, I'm not one for backing out," Charlie answered, shrugging his shoulders to stretch in this confined space, while I had the inkling he was trying to keep himself awake as his eyes would droop ever so slightly every other minute.

Unsurprisingly, the clouds opened up and gave us the joy of rain as we entered La Push, making me grimace in displeasure. Once we arrived at Billy's, a knock wasn't needed, as even over the rain, I was sure they could hear the boisterous engine roar. It was a relief when I turned the engine off.

"Charlie, Bella!" Billy greeted as Charlie and I slammed our doors shut simultaneously.

"You alright?" Charlie answered Billy, striding over and patting the man on the shoulder. In greeting, I raised my hand up for a slight wave, not finding it within me to smile- especially not today.

"Hi, Bella, good to see you." Jacob smiled, possibly slightly too big for just a greeting.

"You too," I mumbled to him before jogging to the house, trying to avoid the rain unsuccessfully.

"So how have you been?" Jacob asked, attempting conversation as we both slid off out shoes lazily in the doorway. The answer to that question would always be the same, as it was only polite for someone to say 'good', and not 'terrible, since I'm missing the man I love and my dad has cancer'. I was the complete opposite to what I would answer, but I didn't have it in me to say the truth, to ask for help.

"Good, you?" I breathed out, wrapping my arms around myself to warm my body as a shiver broke through me, a result of the cold wet weather.

"I'm great." He beamed, trekking across the short space of the lounge and into the kitchen area, tightly moving around Charlie and Billy as they both laughed loudly at whatever joke they were sharing. I glanced sadly at them, knowing that I wouldn't have the freedom of laughter anytime soon. Nothing was funny anymore, it like I repeatedly missed the punchline; ironic as I was the punchline of Forks' jokes at the moment. "You want any food, drinks?" Jacob called, holding a pack of Coke cans up.

"No, thank you," I said looking at Jacob, still rubbing my arms with my hands, uselessly using friction to warm me. Noting where Charlie and Billy were now seated in the small lounge, I slumped down on the end of the sofa, tactfully to try and avoid being in the center of the room, which would lead to having to make conversation.

"Charlie?" Jacob the said, asking the same question he had asked me.

"I'm alright, son, thanks." Charlie quickly looked over at Jacob from the couch to answer then turned back to the screen as two balding men were sat behind a desk, pictures of a football game behind them as they spoke the foreign language of sport- something I didn't understand, nor want to.