Not as Strong as You Think

Chapter 18- Déjà Vu

The italics are obviously flashbacks (as you would probably know). Enjoy!

Blaine lost track of what time it was a while ago. The last time he checked, it was 9 o' clock. The thing is, the last time he checked was 3 hours ago. It didn't feel like it, not to him. Maybe it was the distraction of the Internet or the fact that he was so blissfully happy that kept him up, but it didn't matter either way.

Carole made sure that the guest room was comfortable for him, even though Blaine wasn't particularly picky on the simple things. How many throw pillows does a man need?

He'd spent some of the night on his phone, briefly letting Rachel know that he was staying elsewhere (but refusing to let her in on the "411" or so she called it). Most of the time, he lay on his back just staring at the ceiling with a smile, thinking about the events of that day.

"Blaine?" A whisper in the darkness made him jump in his bed and hold his chest while he panted.

"Blaine?" he said hesitantly. "Blaine, can I come in?"

"You scared me..." Blaine whispered, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly, "Did I wake you?"

"No, I've been up. Come in."

"Yeah..." Blaine opened the door of his bedroom revealing Kurt.

The lights were brought up to a dim, Kurt's fingers lightly tracing the switch. Blaine grinned to himself, glad that even though his fantasy was interrupted, reality was just as sweet...well, it couldn't beat him coming in on a dragon to save Kurt in a high tower, but it was the best case scenario.

Inside the room, Blaine straightened himself out, running his fingers through his hair and wiping the tears from under his eyes.

"We never really got to talk, huh?" Kurt said, making his way closer to the center of the room.

"Not really," Blaine agreed. There were so many unanswered questions, so many things left unsaid, so many words unspoken between them.

Kurt sat on the foot of the bed, his legs crisscrossed like they were in kindergarten. They were only feet away from each other, but both of them made sure they had enough distance to be comfortable.

With his shoulders slumped forwards, and his hands in his pockets, and walked inside. He sat himself on the bed and turned to face his boyfriend.

"How was it? Back in New York?" Kurt asked, looking up shyly.

"I think we've already been over that. It sucked without you. Rachel misses you. She thinks you replaced her with Mercedes," Blaine mentioned. Rachel told him earlier to remind him of her, like he could ever forget.

"She thinks it's all about her...classic Rachel move," Kurt smiled fondly at the girl's competitive nature, how it was still the same way without him there. "For the record, I haven't been doing much talking since I left."

"Do you like it here?"

"I didn't come back to Lima because I thought it would be a good time," Kurt responded sarcastically, shifting in his seat.

"I know, I know..." Blaine said, thinking of a way to rephrase his question. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"I'm not so sure," he answered honestly. "I left because I thought that I was hurting you, stopping your life when you have so much left of it to live. But you came back here anyway, so it kinda defeats the purpose, right?"

"You know I never felt that way-"

"Your subconscious thought otherwise," Kurt retorted. He didn't mean to sound spiteful in any way, but it happened to come out of his mouth like that.

"You...heard the voicemail," Realization dawned on Blaine, his face contorting into worried and guilty expressions. How did he know about that? It doesn't matter, Blaine. What's done is done.

"That I did."

"Kurt, I didn't even know I was saying that and-"

"Look, Blaine, you don't have to apologize for that. I get it. I really do. If you think about it, I kind of deserved it, right? It was my fault in the first place. I was the one who rearranged your life completely and pretty much got us in this whole situation."

"Hey, look at me. None of this is your fault."

Kurt brought up his eyes to look at Blaine's reluctantly. Time seemed to drag on in Blaine's mind, taking in the moment though he didn't necessarily want to. The image would be etched in his mind- the way the glasz of his irises contrasted with the dark shaded reds of pain. Even the under-slept shininess of his eyes were no distraction, clashing with the bags underneath. Blaine had never seen anything that made his heart ache so much, including the image of Kurt before he left.

What came out of Blaine's mouth was a whisper through his gaped lips. "What happened to you, Kurt?"

"I'm fine," he said, turning his head away and brushing his hair out of his eyes with his fingers.

"And I know you're saying that you're fine and everything, but do you think I don't notice that you're hurting inside? I know you more than anyone else does- God, I know you more than you know yourself!"

"No, you're not." Blaine wasn't stupid enough to let Kurt lie to him. Not again.

"Stop pretending to be okay. You're not okay." Blaine locked his eyes on Kurt's as he spoke, and his gaze never faltered.

"I'm fine." Kurt hurriedly up off the bed, facing the other direction, but staying where he was in the center of the floor.

"Let me help you." Blaine followed him, only inches behind Kurt's back.

"I don't need help!" Kurt turned abruptly, his face suddenly a pinkish color and trembling. Blaine jumped back, breathing deeply but keeping his eyes locked the whole time. "I'm okay, all right?!" Kurt yelled, as if he were defending something. "I'm okay... I'm...okay..."

He cried through his words, wrapping his arms around himself for any kind of comfort he could find. Kurt had finally reached his breaking point. And then Blaine was upon him, taking his arms and wrapping it around him completely. Kurt stopped for a quick second, only to gasp without any resistance. Blaine only held him tighter. With Kurt's head on his chest and his hands on his lower back and head, they fit together perfectly.

He'd missed the way Blaine's body felt against his, the way his body heat would warm him up inside. He missed this. Kurt sank into the hug, and for the first time since the accident, he felt safe. He trusted Blaine with every inch of his body: from the tip of his quiff to the heel of his designer boots. Kurt felt complete.

They felt complete.

It was déjà vu. Blaine and Kurt were caught running in circles around and around. The tide kept pulling them into the breaking waves. Their tails kept getting closer and closer, so they kept on chasing. Maybe one day, they would wash up on shore or figure out that their tails weren't meant to be caught.

But for now, they were in it together.

This featured some moments from Chapter 7 "Fine." I hope you enjoyed the twist I did on it.

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