Flowers for Me

June 29, 2016

I told my brother I'm greysexual yesterday. I told him first because he was always supportive of me and he kept my secrets. I thought if I told him first, I'd get an inside look on how my parents would react. He asked me questions as if I was an experiment. I decided I wouldn't tell my parents because I was scared now of how they would react. My brother however thought I was being stupid and thought I was too young to know what I was talking about so what did he do? He told my mom. And then my dad knew and I was crying and it just got worse. I saw a side of my dad that I'm too used to at this point. I feared for my safety when he wanted to talk to me "alone" and I knew nothing good would come out of this. My parents said that they were supportive and that they love me and that they don't want to hurt me. How am I supposed to believe that when they're yelling at me? When my mom's being a bystander? When they won't even let me cry because they say it doesn't solve anything? How am I supposed to believe that my parents love me when they're doing the exact opposite? My dad says he can't figure me out. And why do you think that is dad? It's because I make myself into a jigsaw puzzle because I don't want anyone to figure me out, especially you. I want you to keep guessing because I've lost trust in both of you a long time ago. Because I know you can't really trust anyone until you can tell them your deepest darkest secrets and they don't actually tell anyone. And most of the time it's your best friend because she knows that if you make a freaking promise you keep that freaking promise no matter what because you said you would. Your promise matters just as much as it would if you were signing a contract. What did I learn today? That you can only trust your closest friends. Not family. They don't care. They think they know what's best but they don't know the real me. And they don't know the real me
Because I don't trust them