Flowers for Me

"To everyone..."

To everyone I've ever loved or cared about,
Look where we ended up. Look how far we've come. Look how far we've drifted away.
Maybe it was mutual. Maybe we both wanted to get away from each other and if we it wasn't like that, if I left without telling you or if you left without a word I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having drifted away. I'm sorry that I pushed you away that you felt the need to leave. I'm truly sorry.

To everyone who was an ex boyfriend or crush,
What happened to us? Honestly. Why did we end up far away? We used to talk so often and I would get butterflies in my stomach nervous that I would say the wrong thing because you were so out of my league but yet, you thought I was nice. You thought I was hot. Once upon a time, someone told me I should be a model when I didn't even think I was attractive. Thank you for boosting my self-esteem only to bring it down a few weeks later. Thank you for showing me what it can actually feel like to be attracted to someone and want something more than friendship. For showing me that an asexual can want a relationship. 

To everyone I've loved,
Did you manipulate me? Were you only using me for your own pleasure? Not sexual of course. You just needed something to boost your self-esteem. But did you ever stop to think that I might be collateral damage? That I was the one who risked getting hurt and not the other way around? Did you even realize what you were doing?! Building me up only to tear me down for your own selfish purposes?! TO LET ME CARE ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU WOULDN'T RECIPROCATE EVEN AN OUNCE OF THAT

To everyone who decided to walk out...
I wish there was some way I could've stopped you...but if you didn't want to be a part of my life and if you didn't want me in yours...when I wanted to love you but I was only another toy in your collection...

Would you have even bothered to stay? If I had done anything...

Would that have even made any kind of difference?