No Control

Keep Holding On

So, today is Sunday! Let's try a marathon week.

Chapter 21:

LOUIS

I was pacing around Harry's living room, waiting for him to get back from Niall's. I had nothing to do but feel the anticipation after Liam left. I just wanted Harry to be mine, and I knew it was a bit selfish, but he said he wanted that, too.

He promised he would break up with Niall today, and I was hoping he would. I know Harry gets scared of hurting others, but I wanted him happy one step at a time. That included dating who he wanted, doing the job he wanted to do, and showing his parents that he is even more perfect than they think he is. He just had to stand up to his parents.

I heard the front door open and close, and I ran to the front door, seeing him walk in and close it behind him. He saw me and gave me a small smile, to which I took as a good sign. I was just so happy!

I ran up to him and pulled him into a hug, lifting him up and spinning him around. I pressed a kiss to his lips and smiled, just loving how good this felt. I pulled away and set him down as I asked "How did it go? What did he say?"

Harry looked at me for a few seconds before his eyes drifted to look at the ground and that's when I noticed that his smile wasn't one of happiness, but sadness. "Harry... Haz, what happened? Did he react badly?" I asked, wanting him to be okay.

"About that, I...." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck as his eyes looked everywhere bit at me. Why was he acting so weird? What went wrong?

I grabbed his face and made him look at me. I was just really concerned right now. I knew Harry didn't want to hurt Niall, and I was worried that's what happened. Maybe I should have listened to myself and just left them alone. Maybe I should have just disappeared from Harry's life.

I stopped thinking about that. I had those options, but I chose notnto listen to them, and that must be for a reason. I looked at Harry and stroked his cheek. "Hey, it's okay. Just tell me what happened. Did he take it hard?" I asked gently.

"Louis, I-I didn't... I didn't break up with Niall." He said, and I froze. I didn't know what to feel or how to react to that. All I could think about was why not? Was there something holding him back? Did he realize he did have feelings for Niall? Did he... Did he not want to be with me?

"Please say something." He begged, and I shook my head as I stepped away from him. "Louis, before you assume things, can I just-" I cut him off as he tried to reach out to me.

"Can you just give me moment?" I asked, seeing him nod before I turned away from him and shut my eyes, trying to figure out anything to make sense of this situation. He said he wanted to be with me, too, but what if he changed his mind? What if he saw just how much of a disappointment I was? Shit. I knew I should have stayed away from him. I knew it.

"I have to go." I said, grabbing my jumper before walking past Harry and towards the door, but I felt him grab me and turn me to face him. He looked just as miserable as I did.

"Please don't leave." He said, his hold on my arm tightening a bit, but it didn't hurt.

"But... you don't want to be with me." I hated feeling this. I hated feeling insecure and weak. That was something I hardly showed when I was around Harry, but what else was I suppose to feel and think about right now.

"Yes I do, Louis! I only want you." He said, pulling me closer to him. I felt so weak when I was standing near him. I always just wanted to reach out and hold him and give him anything his heart desired.

"Then why?" I asked because that was all that was on my mind. "Why wouldn't you break up with Niall? You said you would. Maybe you're having second thoughts?" I suggested, looking away from him. I was acting like a hurt child, but that's how I got when I felt like I wasn't enough. It was my only defense. That and bluffing- lieing to myself.