No Control

Maybe We're Fireproof

I know I'm terrible, but hopefully this 7,000+ word chapter will make up or it...?

And OMG! HARRY'S MAGAZINE PICS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL- LIKE HIM! I LIVE! The flower picture IS Harry!

AND NIALL'S SONG GIVES ME LIFE! I CRIED IN CLASS- MY LOVELY HUSBAND! 💓

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 52:

HARRY

I woke up to an empty bed- again. I was both hurt and confused. Why did Louis keep leaving? He didn't have work until tomorrow, and I really just wanted to spend the last day I had together. Was that too much to ask? Because it sure did feel that way.

I laid back down, pulling the sheets up to my chin and staring at the ceiling. I was questioning so many things. Did Louis just not want to spend time with me? I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to distant himself to keep from getting hurt when I left, but it was killing me up inside to think that he just doesn't want me the same way he use to. He seemed to be pushing me away, and that's not what I wanted. I went all day without him yesterday, and I really wanted to spend time with him.

I got out of bed and went to the stand up mirror in the corner of the room. I looked in it, seeing how tired I looked- my dull green eyes filled with nothikg but self-doubt. My hair was a mess, completely thrown every which way, and I ran my fingers through it a couple times, trying to fix it to no avail. My skin was pale- so pale- and I knew the cold weather and lack of sunlight wasn't helping. It was unattractive- which was probably why Louis refused to make love- he couldn't stand to look at it.

The thought fumbled around in my head until my tattoo caught my eye. The black, thick ink was contrasting perfectly with my skin, and I saw it as something beautiful. I loved the way Louis' initial stained my skin- marking it for all eternity, like a permanent bond between us. I saw it as beauty, but what if Louis saw it as something awful?

The thought scared me. The thought that maybe Louis did think it was too much. Maybe it was too soon- too creepy to him to have me tattoo the letter of his name on my skin- let alone have it inked in such an intimate place. Maybe he thought all of it was weird, but he didn't want to upset me. What if this only caused him to push me away for good?

I ran my finger over the tattoo, feeling the slight pain over the red skin. I knew I had to apply the lotion I got from the tattoo shop, but I didn't care right now. My mind was clouded- too many thoughts running through me. Too much fear, worry, and doubt.

I was leaving. I was leaving Louis and everything I knew, and I don't know how long I'd be gone. I was probably going to lose the only person who ever loved me, and I didn't know how I could deal with that. I just had to get the fucking tattoo and possibly ruin things by being perceived as the clingy and creepy boyfriend!

I pressed down harder on the tattoo, the pain being a slight sting, and I hissed in pain as a tear made its way down my cheek. The thoughts continued to fill my mind, and I wanted to scream. Why would Louis love me? Why would he still want to be with someone who lived on the other fucking side of the world? Why wouldn't he find someone prettier, better, less self-destructive? Why? Just why?

I crumbled down onto the floor in front of the mirror, looking into it as it seemed to mock me. The boy in the mirror looked nothing like the person I wanted to be. I was only that person with Louis. Happy, complete, loved. This person was a wreck, a mess, a desperate figure. I hated the person in the mirror, so why did Louis love him? Why did Louis love me? Did he still love me?