No Control

Only Human

Major downfall- please don't kill me. Love you! 💕

Chapter 48:

    LIAM

        He looked so cold. So cold and lifeless- laying there with an oxygen mask on, a giant tube protruding through it, IVs in his arms, various bruises, cuts clearly seen, and I cried out as I saw the healing gash on the side of his neck. I quickly ran over, one of my hands grabbing his as my other caressed his face.

    "I'm so sorry, Zayn. I'm sorry, baby. Please be okay. You- you have to be okay for me, yeah? You have to hang in there. Please, love. I- I need you s-so much." I cried, tears dripping down my cheeks, but I tried to wipe my eyes, needing to see Zayn. I didn't want to lose a second of looking at him. I didn't like the way the tears made him blur in my vision, making him feel so far away, or like an imagination. I needed to be close to him.

     "I-I'm so s-sorry. I should have forgiven you. I should have told you I l-oved you at least. Zayn, you m-m-mean so much to me." I said. So many emotions were running through me, but I could feel three main ones taking the lead. Fear, just thinking what what happen if Zayn didn't make it. Guilt, knowing that this was my fault in some way- I put him here. And Love.

    I felt so much love for him. Zayn was everything to me, and I let him slip through my fingers again. I didn't realize how much I cared for him at first. How could I when I brushed off his affections and tried to focus on Harry? Why would I even chase after someone else? Now that I look back, I was foolish to not realize how incredible Zayn was. He was hurting- having to love me when I didn't love him back. But we fixed that because I couldn't stand seeing him hurt. It made me finally see that I always wanted Zayn happy. I never wanted to hurt him, only protect him. But I failed.

     "I said I would protect you." I whispered out, feeling so incapable, so responsible for everything that happened. "I said I would protect you, but I f-ailed." I couldn't stand anymore. My legs weren't strong enough- none of me was strong enough. I just wanted to be close to Zayn.

    I carefully sat on the bed, slowly laying down beside Zayn- careful of any wires- and moved him a bit so he was laying in my arms. He was cold. That much I could feel. His skin was so cold, and it brought more tears to my eyes. Because that meant he wasn't doing too well, but he has to get better. The thought of losing him was already killing me, and I don't think I could last without him.

    I wrapped myself around him, doing my best to keep him warm. The only sign that he was still alive was the sound of the oxygen mask and the constant beeping of the heart monitor. I cherished both of them, knowing he was still here, and I haven't lost him yet. I never wanted to lose him.

    "You're gonna be okay, right love?" I asked, knowing that I wouldn't get a reply. "You're gonna get better and be healthy. You won't need help to breathe. And even if you have scars, you'll still be absolutely beautiful." I whispered out, my fingers lightly tracing his cheek bones, going down to his jaw, then finally tracing over his lips. "I love you. I love you so much, and I never should have pushed you away. I should have forgiven you. I'm so sorry. So so sorry."

    I was crying now, my hands gripping onto Zayn's hospital gown as I cried against his chest. "It hurts so much to know that I could have stopped this, Zayn. I need you. I have no idea if you can hear me, but I'm a mess. I'm a complete mess- a lost cause without you here. And I know I could have done something- anything to stop this all from happening."

    "Why didn't you call me to pick you up? I would have! Fuck, I would have! I would have been there as soon as possible." I cried, suddenly realizing I never checked my phone. I fell asleep after crying my eyes out last night. I cried because I missed Zayn, but now I felt stupid for crying because I was getting in my own way of letting him in.