No Control

To Be Loved

Larry chapter- probably some heavy stuff.

Trigger warning because of a few mentioning of things.

Enjoy, and thanks so much for everyone who answered all those questions I posted out. And I got some interesting ones about making a third book? 👀 lol

Chapter 49:

HARRY

"Why did you tell Avianna you wanted to adopt her?" I asked as soon as Louis walked through the door. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was sitting in silence the whole time I was alone- terrified of breaking and panicking. So fragile to every moment, every movement, every sound. Now I was frustrated more than ever, and I couldn't stand it.

"She asked if I wanted to marry you. I said yes and that we could be a family. What do you want me to do? Lie to her about it?" He asked, his voice still pretty level, but I didn't want level. I wanted him to yell at me, make me feel some kind of pain. I deserved it and needed it. "Why?" He asked.

"Because you had no right to do that, Louis! She sabotaged her interview because she wanted us as her parents. She cried today because of me!" I said, remembering the sorrow on her little face. "You put ideas in her head that can't happen!" I added, finally getting a reaction out of Louis.

"Well, why not? Why can't it happen, Harry?" He asked, walking closer to me, but I took steps back. I couldn't be close to him. I'd break. I'd snap in an instant, and I wouldn't be able to stop crying. I shook my head, but he continued speaking.

"I love you, so much. You're everything I've ever wanted and needed, Harry. I can't imagine a life without you in it." He said, and I gulped, feeling all of my pushed down emotions building up inside of me at his words. "I mean, can you imagine a life without me?" He asked, his voice strong but showing vulnerability in it.

I stayed silent. Because I could. I could, but it wouldn't be a life to live. It'd be dull, and I'd be numb to everything. I'd never know what true love was without Louis. I'd never truly have been happy without Louis. I'd never have gained the strength I had without Louis. I had no clue what my life would be like without him, but I know it wouldn't compare to living with him.

"Harry?" He asked, and I looked down at the ground, wrapping my arms around myself.

"We can't be a family. Not with Avianna." I said, trying not to look up at him. I didn't want to know what his face looked like right now. I didn't want to know if I was hurting him. I've already hurt too many people, and Louis was the last straw.

"Why not!?" He said, voice raw and confused. "Harry, I am so in love with you, and you've said countless times that you feel the exact same way. I'd give anything in the world to be with you and have a family with you. Because I know that I will never ever love someone else as much as I love you. I want to propose to you, and marry you, and go on a magnificient honeymoon, and just love you, and give you the family you know you want and I know you deserve. Why are you trying to run away from all of that?" He asked.

"Because it can't happen, Louis! My life isn't perfect, and it never fucking was! Because I'm fucked up. I mean, I let my parents control me, I fell for my kidnapper, two of my best friends were the very people who broke into my house years ago, I used my best friend to try and forget the pain, I yelled at an innocent little girl that I love to death, I made so many people cry and hurt and break, and I just can't handle this right now!" I yelled, feeling on the brink of insanity. Everything was crashing down and slipping through my fingetips. I had a grasp on life this morning, but it seemed to have diminished completely within a few hours.