hi, this is alice.
noa, i want you to know that i am not a violent person. i am strictly against violence. of course there are times when people would have to resort to violence (i'm not idealistic enough to say that violence should never be the answer. because sometimes, an aggressive act is necessary). but meaningless violence makes me agitated. and it makes me feel violent. so when i am really angry, i rip up paper. it doesn't really help me in the end, and i always regret wasting paper. but sometimes people do things without thinking. and that might affect other people around them. it might affect them a lot. but in the end, they don't realize that whenever they do harm to others, it has effects on them as well.
why am i so angry?
noa, in my school there is this kid who is always bullied. and the reason for why he is an outcast is unreasonable. it's that he is slightly chubby, and slow in movement. there's a group of mean kids, the troublemakers who make me uncomfortable being in the same room as them, who make fun of him. everyone in the school were trying to look the other way. because they don't want to admit that there are awful things that are going around them. they want to believe that these things are not happening when they really are. and i'm sorry to say that i was one of them. the bystanders who didn't do anything. the idiot. but the fact that i can't help the poor kid and stand up for him angered me to the degree that i ripped up my history paper. i got into a lot of trouble for doing that.
and last night, i was trying to gather up the courage. courage to help him. but then i thought: "what if he doesn't want my help?". because if i try to help him, he might think that it would be out of pity and sympathy. and it might make him feel worse. and everyone knows that i'm no hero. what am i to tell him: "if you need help, i can help". i can barely help myself even. so what can i do to help him?
so all that i could do is write a post-it note on his lockers saying: "don't give up." but the mean kids ripped it apart, like how i do with my own paper...
so tomorrow i'm going to put another post-it note on his locker. to make him know that there is someone there for him. i hope that he feels better. and i'm going to tell the teachers as well. but i wonder if that's going to help anything.
