hi, this is alice.
here is my declaration.
well maybe not... i just wanted to sound like what i'm about to say is important. but to be perfectly honest, even i'm not quite sure. this is about me. so it should be rather important to me, shouldn't it? i don't know. nowadays, it seems as if my mind had just been under the mixer. no thought seems to stay with me longer than a second. one moment i lie and think. then lose the thought. try to think about what i'd just lost. end up with another. then lose it again. an endless and tiresome repetition.
noa, remember i told you that i had to think about what i like so that it'll help me to think about that i'd what to be in the future. but so far, i can't think of anything. so i stay in my numb, dumb state, thinking hard and hardly thinking, about what i like.
then it came to me quite simply (as great revelations usually are), that the perfect way to describe me would be a white sheet of paper. no lines, no dots. no law, no order. no sense of anything at all. just a blank sheet of paper with no focus. you might as well call a blank sheet of paper 'alice'. like "sir, may i have some 'alice' to write on?" , or "students, write only on the 'alice' for your answers. do not write on your question paper". and perhaps even "why are you such an 'alice'?".
... okay, maybe that's a little far-fetched. but I bet that on my tombstone, it would probably say "here lies alice", and the next sentence would be, "this tombstone talks more than what her life was combined".
but you get my point : here is alice, the white paper.
"oh alice, you've got it all wrong"
what? what have i got wrong?
"shut alice. just listen. let me explain"
okay... tell me then.
"fine. hmmm. where do i start..."
...
"don't roll your eyes at me, alice."
how the hell did you know?
"i go to hogwarts alice. it's common magic, you muggle"
shut up noa. just talk.
"okay. alice, you know the meaning of the word 'abyss'? or better yet, 'void'? of course you do. because i've just told them to you. both word essentially mean 'emptiness'. like your dear white paper alice. just like that. but these two words have a profundity to it. like a deep hole that you can fall into. swim in and never find the entrance or the exit. there's no end to it's depth, you might as well just laugh if someone ask you where the exit is. endless infinities. repeated. continuous. continuum. and of course, boundless possibilities."
so...?
"oh alice, don't you see? anything can be possible on a blank paper. you can paint love, hate, circle, square, fair, bare. literally anything"
you can't prove that.
"yes i can. can't you see that i'm already falling at your complexity? how i am struggling?"
no.
"can't you see what i'm trying to say? what i'm saying is, 'oh hell girl, you're one deep shit.'"
noa..
"so here lies alice, the white paper. nothing. but everything"
