(lunch time.
the school cafeteria gradually filled up with the laughs and the grumblings of students. amongst them, alice and charlie followed the crowd, furiously debating about a movie. charlie still smelled of cigarettes. alice got used to it but didn't like it at all. as alice and charlie entered the cafeteria, noa watched them from afar.
it was strange. whenever alice laughed, he felt his own heart reverberate. staring was rude, but you're when doing it without yourself noticing, it's called habit. and when you're walking towards her without a thought, it's called bravery mixed with stupidity and lots and lots. and lots of butterflies.
alice greeted noa. but she was confused why he was here. doesn't he normally eat with his own friends and girlfriend? )
"hi"
"hi"
(charlie also looked curiously at noa. so he was the noa that alice talks about all the time… )
"what's up?"
"well the roof, of course alice."
(noa winked, alice rolled her eyes and charlie snorted. )
" want to come with me to the library?"
" i don't know…"
(alice nervously glanced at charlie and noa's girlfriend.)
"don't worry about me. i'm fine alone, mom"
(charlie said. alice elbowed charlie jokingly to his ribs. charlie whistled.)
" okay then"
(charlie wiggled his eyebrows at her, and alice rolled her eyes. noa awkwardly waved at charlie. )
"charlie's really nice. i'm sure you'll get along with him once you spend some time with him."
"yeah…hey, ummm. how was your day… ?"
(alice noticed noa fidgeting uncomfortably, trying to change the topic.)
"it's been fine, why?"
"nothing…"
"my mom said she likes you but the way."
"that's good… "
(noa wasn't into the conversation at all, his head was already far, far away from where they were. alice noticed. and alice felt a sinking feeling although she couldn't fully identify it. )
"noa, do you have something against charlie?"
"what? no… "
(noa tried to sound surprised, but it was obvious that he was lying. )
"spit it out then. what it is?"
(noa sighed. he didn't know whether he should tell the truth or not. he was afraid of how alice might react. would she be angry… ? but he knew. he knew that he had to be honest. alice was honest about her father's death. about her own undesirable situation. she was honest. now it was his turn to be honest. she'll understand right… ?she was different. )
"listen, alice. i have to tell you something… rather serious"
(noa watched nervously as he watched alice frown in worry. noa sighed and sat her down on the library floor. there was no point in trying to calm her down. the pandora's box was already open. there was no way noa could put it back. )
" before i moved here, i made a mistake… in my old school. a horrible horrible mistake… in my old school i was friends with a guy who we could say… the popular guy. you know, the cliche hot guy who was a douche but got all the girls in the end? that sort of guy. before you judge me, he wasn't like that before high school. he was the kind, sort of nerdy, kid next door. he used to be my best friend. but ever since he had been through this heavy football training and a major growth period… that guy's got it into his head. i'll just say it didn't end well.
i tried to ignore the changes in him. that he was still the same old guy just with the growth spurt and muscles. that he was still my best friend. and most of the times he was. but he got arrogant and haughty. he got really mean….
he started to bully one of the kids in school.
of course i didn't help him or anything. but i didn't do anything about it either. i just closed by eyes and ears to everything. i was in denial. i was trying to believe that everything that was happening before my eyes were just lies, just a simple dream.
and my friend… he was really into the whole bullying business. nicked the kid once in a while, acted violence, made him walk naked once. hell, i feel so bad for him…
and once the story got out, the kid sued us all. everything was over once he mentioned our names. but i was glad. i was so freaking glad! everything was over! and once my parents got the wind of it, we moved. my dad doesn't look me in the eye anymore… but it's over."
"but why are you acting all weird around charlie?"
"he reminds me of the kid back then…"
(alice didn't look into noa's eyes. her eyes refused to respond to noa's questioning look. )
"you.. understand me right? alice?"
" did you say sorry to the kid at least?"
"what?"
"or did you just run away, noa?"
"…"
"i'm sorry noa. but i'm not the one who can forgive you or anything."
(alice took a step back. she didn't know what to say. but she felt that this was noa's problem. it's something that he has to handle himself. and to be honest, she felt… disappointed. she knew that noa wasn't this ideal, flawless human being. she knew that. she just didn't want to believe in it.
alice walked back to where charlie. alice had left noa on his own. )
"alice…"
(but alice wasn't there anymore. noa was alone. )
