Trigger warning: abuse, selfharm and some homophobic language
"One day, I'm gonna grow old with you." Dan says, taking Phil's hand into his own. The pair were 10 years old, but acted as thought they were teenagers, madly in love. "One day, I'll make sure we can be together forever."
Phil smiled, his cheeks heating up. He put his face in Dan's neck and squeezed his hand. "Promise?"
"One day." Dan says, smiling. "I promise that one day, I'll give the world to you."
Phil believed him, he whole-heartedly believed him.
***
~time skip (dan and phil are now 15 in high school)~
"I told you!" Dan father yelled, his face close against Dan's. "You are not to see that boy!"
"please Dad!" Dan said, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes shut tightly. "I love him!"
"No son of mine will be a faggot!" the man snarled, the remarks and slurs just making Dan sob more. Inside, he felt broken. Everything was crumbling apart. He needed Phil, he loved Phil...he promised Phil.
He winced as his father struck him across the face.
He kicked him.
He punched him.
But nothing hurt as much as the pain in Dan's heart.
Bruises formed all over Dan's body, cuts on his arm from where his father slashed him with a broken beer bottle. He was told to tell people he cut himself by accident.
Dan lay on the kitchen floor, his father retreated to the bedroom, slamming the door. Dan curled his knees to his chest, sobbing and rocking himself back and forth. Tears dripped down his cheeks no matter how much Dan willed himself not to cry. Crying made it worse. Crying made it real.
"One day," he whispered, his voice faltering. "I promise that one day, I'll give the world to you."
***
"Dan!" Phil cried, running up to his secret boyfriend. "Where were you yesterday? I missed you." Phil went to hug Dan, but Dan brushed him away, harshly. No words escaped Dan's lips, he made no eye contact with Phil, not even putting in the effort to look Phil's way.
What was the point? His father would only hurt him more.
He didn't want that.
"Dan?" Phil asked, in a soft whimper.
It killed Dan, it killed him. Phil didn't deserve this.
"Dan, please talk to me, what's wrong?" Phil said, still walking after Dan, despite being ignored and shunned by the younger male. "C'mon Danny, talk to me. Please."
Dan blinked, it took everything, every ounce of strength in his beaten and broken body, to ignore Phil. He wished he could just collapse in Phil's arms, telling him his woes. He wished Phil could stroke his hair and tell him everything will be okay.
But it wouldn't.
And going to Phil would make things worse. For both Dan and Phil.
Dan shrugged Phil off his shoulder, which Phil was clinging onto.
Phil got the hint. Dan was done with him.
Phil stopped walking, his eyes filled with tears, as he watched his best friend, lover, walk away from him. Walking farther and farther, Phil could feel himself being torn apart. He was nothing without Dan, nothing. He had always thought Dan would be there for him.
"One day," he muttered to himself as a tear trickled down his cheek, he hurriedly wiped it away. "I promise that one day, I'll give you the world."
He lied, Phil thought. He promised, but he lied.
***
Dan sat in his room, his knees tucked to his chest. He felt as though the walls were closing in on him, suffocating him. Surrounding him.
He felt numb, dried out, empty.
No Phil, no happiness.
At least his father left him alone, for the most part. Sickeningly telling him to just "turn off his homosexual side." and "to be like normal people."
Dan's bruises healed, but his inside could never recover.
"One day," He said, his voice hoarse. He looked up at the ceiling as the razor in his left hand cut through his skin. It didn't even hurt, the pain was nothing to what he felt when he thought of living a life without Phil Lester. "One day, we can be together. Without hate."
I'm sorry for shattering your feels
