"Dan?" whispered the soft voice, floating through Dan's ear. "Dan? Are you awake?"
Dan rolled over to face his boyfriend, his bright blue eyes wide, no sleep apparent in them. To be honest, Dan hadn't been sleeping either. He smiled at Phil and nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm up. Why?"
"It's 3am, I'm hungry. Can we have ice cream, please?" Phil begged, clasping his hands together and sticking out his lower lip. Dan couldn't exactly say no to a face like that, plus a change of scenery and some ice cream would be nice. So Dan nodded once again and sat up, grunting a little bit. Phil lightly clapped his hands and kissed Dan's jaw.
"Thanks Danny."
"but not too much, or else your stomach will act up again."
Phil sighed, sadly. "I know, I know."
Dan felt bad, he knew how much Phil hated being lactose-intolerant. So he took Phil's hand in his own and they walked to the kitchen, in the dark. The only light was from the moon, shining into their apartment because they forgot to close the blinds.
The two sat down in the kitchen, sitting across from each other on the tiled floor. Dan was sitting cross-legged, the bowl of ice cream in between his crossed legs.
Phil sat on his knees, the bowl balancing on them.
The two stirred in a comfortable silence. Their long pauses with no talking had stopped being awkward and started being understanding. Dan never felt awkward or shy with Phil, he was comfortable with Phil.
Phil shakily reached out to the other side of the kitchen cabinets to grab Dan's hand in his own.
"I couldn't sleep," he told Dan, his voice hushed. "I was worrying about the future."
Dan chuckled."The future? Like existential crisis or like future of your life."
"My life," Phil replied, instantaneously. "Our life." his voice grew heavy when he said that.
Dan paused, not knowing what to say. The only thing he could do was squeeze Phil's hand tighter as a sign of reassurance he wasn't upset, just at a loss for words.
"Our future?" Dan repeated, slowly, dragging out each syllable.
"Our future." Phil said, defiantly.
"What about our future?" Dan asks, taking a spoonful of ice cream.
"When are we going to stop fooling around Dan?" Phil asks, pushing his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose then looking Dan straight in the eyes."We got together in 2009 for gods sakes. Sure we took about a year break in 2012, but we're back better than ever. When are we going to settle down?" Phil then winced. "Or do you not want to settle down with me?" He looked away, almost as though he was afraid of Dan's answer.
Dan's throat felt dry as he croaked out "Of course I want to settle down with you, Phil. There isn't anyone else I'd want to."
Phil let out a breath of relief and spooned another bite of ice cream into his mouth.
Dan reached out his hand to stroke Phil's cheek, tenderly. "I understand completely Phil, I want so badly to start a family with you."
"Then why have we never talked about this?" Phil asks, tentatively.
It takes Dan a minute to think of an answer. Why hadn't they? Were they...scared?
"Maybe because we were scared," Dan says, cautious not to make Phil upset. "Of what out lives would be like. I guess we're so familiar with this lifestyle of just dicking around and having fun, the thought of something bigger and more serious was scary to us. It was like uncharted territory. We knew we wanted it, maybe we just didn't know if we could handle it."
Phil looked at Dan, thoughtfully, smiling slightly. He knew that when Dan got an idea, he could be really insightful. He loved talking to Dan about anything, Dan always had a good response.
"You know, you're right Dan. When will we be ready? I think...I think after this long, I'm finally ready. Sure I'm scared, but the excitement overtakes the fear. Are...are you ready?"
Dan thinks for a second. The thought of rising a family with Phil Lester creeps into his mind. The thought of their kids, Phil and him being fathers...maybe moving somewhere bigger and getting a dog. The thought of supportive friends, family and viewers. It all excites him more than he thought it would.
"Yes," he breaths. "Yes, I am ready."
Phil's face breaks out into a huge smile and he tackles Dan into a bear hug, kissing him multiple times. "I love you Dan Howell, I want to spend my life with you, I want to grow old with you."
Dan grins and brushes Phil's fringe back. He plants a soft lipped kiss on Phil before finishing the last of his ice cream.
Dan Howell tweeted:
late night ice cream party w @amazingphil
