Drowning in a River of Denial (Jalex)

With Words I Thought I'd Never Speak

Hey!

So this chapter is short like the last one but I really wanted to get something out because if you know what I'm like, it'd end up never being updated again.

Enjoy! 

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Just as I opened my mouth to spill out everything my father said to never mention, the bell echoed through the halls at an agonizing volume. I noticed Alex's eyes were tear filled and his lip quivered as if he were about to break down any moment.

"I'll tell you at lunch, okay? I don't want you to be late on your first day," I said, biting my bottom lip. Not only would it be good for Alex, but it would be extremely convenient for me, considering I had no plan. It would give me time to think about what the fuck I'd say to make Alex understand and not hate me.

"...Promise you'll tell me?" His voice cracked slightly, making me feel about ten times worse, if that were possible. 

"I promise, Alex. Please don't hate me," I said, sounding almost pleading.

"I could never hate you, Jack," He admitted. Forcing a quick smile, he began his escape to class and left me standing there all alone, with only myself and my thoughts. And my thoughts exactly were; how could he not hate me?

Keeping that thought in mind, I dragged myself begrudgingly to class, not the slightest bit ready for what was to come at lunch. 

Music class went by slowly and I could barely grip onto a plan without completely dissmissing it, deciding that it wasn't right. Nothing seemed right, really. The whole thing was pretty fucked up. My father, the man who was supposed to be there for me and support me, forced me to abandon the only thing that really made me happy. And now here I am, trying to find a way to explain the whole situation ten years later. 

It made it even harder to concentrate with all of Zack's concerns. He was confused about why I was thinking so hard and why I was so spacey. His attempts to get me to fess up were useless he found after about ten minutes of persistence and prodding for information.

Maths was also difficult considering Alex was in that class, sitting in an assigned seat not too far away from me. I mostly stared at him, considering every possible reaction. I hoped it was one of the better reactions. He was a pretty open-minded person most of the time. But of course, it had been a long time since I'd properly talked to the guy. People change. He probably did.

Honestly, lunch couldn't have come slower. As soon as the bell sounded, I shot out my seat, an uncommon occurence for me considering I was usually the last person out. I weaved through other students, stopping outside the school cafateria and waiting outside the doors. After unpatiently switching my weight foot to foot, Alex wandered up to me with an awkward forced grin. 

"Hey," He murmured, his eyes fixed firmly on the ground.

"Hey," I said back nervously. We began our silent walk to the same spot as this morning, dragging our feet unenthusiastically to it. 

"Jack, please tell me what the fuck happened?" Alex asked once we reached our destination.

I nodded, taking a deep, shaky breath. "Do you remember how my father acted when you came over that day?" He hummed yes, wincing slightly at the memory of how harsh and rude the man was. 

And I did what I promised myself and Alex; I explained. Alex didn't say a word the whole time, he stayed silent, nodding every now and then, his facial expression almost pained. 

"So... You didn't want to ignore me?" He asked softly, sounding relieved for a moment before sounding sad.

"No, of course not, Alex. Why would I ever want to? I swear to God, it was all my Dad,"

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I really wish all that you don't have to go through all that shit. And... I'm sorry for forcing you to let me come over that day, I-uh... I didn't know. Can we just start again? I mean, can we be friends again? Your Dad doesn't have to know," Alex managed to stutter out, his voice shakey and full of sorrow.

"Please don't be sorry, none of it's your fault. And I'd love to be friends again," I tacked on the last part quickly, adding a shy smile in which he returned. 

I was wrong. He hadn't changed. He was still as empathetic and kind as I remembered.

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I hope you enjoyed it and stuff. How was everyone's week? Mine was fucking awesome (despite crying about My Chemical Romance a few times), I got free tickets to Fall Out Boy. I saw them with my two bestfriends and was only a few meters away from Pete a few times which made me extremely excited. Thanks to the super tall dude who pushed infront of me.

Feedback makes me happy. xx

Title credit : Famous Last Words, My Chemical Romance