Drowning in a River of Denial (Jalex)

I Walk Away and Leave This Place

THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO SLUTZILLA FOR VOTING FOR EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER AND MAKING ME FEEL AWESOME. THANK YOU SO MUCH, IT MEANS ALOT! <33

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Alex

I locked the door, shoving my wooden desk chair under the door knob as reinforcement. I knotted my hands in my messy hair, pulling roughly in attempts to calm myself. I stiffled a scream, letting out a low whine and sharp inhale.

My breathing came out in short gasps and pants. It felt like my throat was closing up, making it hard to get any air in. I closed my eyes, backing into the wall and sliding down until I made contact with the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. I softly rocked myself back and forwards, letting tears fall freely. I felt as if there was a barrier around me, disabling me from sucking in anything more than a shallow gulp of oxygen.

My chest and stomach ached as I let out more fast breaths and groans. I hadn't eaten today, either, which only added to the searing, sharp pains I was feeling in my gut. I felt light headed as I desperately tried to fight what felt like dying.

I felt weaker than I did only a minute before. I swayed dizzily, unable to keep myself stable. Darkness surrounded me as my mind was no longer functioning properly, falling into a drouzy, tired state. I passed out then, my body relaxing as it temporarily shut down.

I didn't know what time it was, or where I was, or what was happening when I awoke. My breathing was regular, finally and I'd never been so grateful to be able to have air in my lungs. I savoured the feeling of it for a moment, before I opened my eyes, darting them around the room in slight panic. It was dark, the only light being emitted from the moon as it flooded through my window, and I would have taken my time to admire it if I wasn't in such a shit mood. I glanced up at my alarm clock, breifly wondering why it was so far away. It read three-thirty in the morning, causing me to groan in annoyance. My body ached from sleeping on the hard floor, causing me to wince when I pushed myself up off the ground. I stumbled to the other side of the room, considering going back to sleep before something else and far more appealing popped into my head. 

I didn't want to be in this house right now, and although it was late, I wanted to get out. My parents weren't awake yet, I was sure. This was the perfect chance for me to leave.

I wondered if what I was doing was a good idea, but either way, I wasn't going to change my mind, all sensible thoughts long gone and unconsidered. I continued throwing about a quarter of the contents of my clothing into my back pack. I didn't bother changing out of what I'd worn yesterday as I pulled out the chair from where it had remained at the door, unlocking it afterwards.

I hiked the backpack up onto my shoulder, stepping out my room cautiously. The lights were all off, making it difficult to navigate my way through the house. I turned my phone's torch on, following the light it released. 

The wind outside was cold, pinching at the skin on my hands and face. I tugged the sleeves down, balling them up in my hands. The simple action reminded me of Jack, making me wince. I pushed that thought aside, and trudged on up the street, the street lights being my only sense of direction. 

I took a seat at the bus stop, trying to ignore the harsh wind stinging my cheeks. I dug around in my pocket, pulling out my phone. I scrolled through my contacts, my finger shakily hovering over Jack for about thirty seconds before I shook my head, scolding myself for even considering it and continued to scroll. I stopped at Tay and thought of just how terrible it could go. Who else would be able to help me, though? I tapped call hesitantly and kind of reluctantly, slightly scared about whether she'd pick up or not. I didn't know what I was going to say, or why I was calling her, but I knew that I had a reason (even if I hadn't quite figured it out). She picked up after what seemed like hundreds of rings, causing me to let out a sound of relief.