Drowning in a River of Denial (Jalex)

Catch Me Up On Getting Out Of Here

Jack

The hot sting of the shower was painful, yet somehow satisfying. I gasped when it hit my new, deeper wounds. Somehow, I was please with the pain; it was enough to hold back temptation to repeat what I'd done to myself last night. It was like the feeling of putting ice on an injury; it was delightfully painful.

I winced at the touch of the rough towel, but continued to dab at the searing cuts. I glanced down at my arms, cringing when I caught a quick glimpse. I looked away just as quick, feeling almost nausiated at what I saw. I hadn't realised I'd done so much damage. My eyes flicked down to my thighs, gaping when I saw them in the same condition. I didn't think I was so careless. I chose to ignore the cuts that were so deep that the skin had slightly split, leaving a disgusting pink gash.

I tore my gaze away from the crimson lines that decorated my skin in the ugliest way, not wanting to even think about them. I left the bathroom shakily, scared for my own sanity and health.

I didn't have long until I'd have to leave for school and that made me panic for a brief moment. I remembered the way Tay had pushed herself up so close the Alex, resting her hand over his. I remembered how he looked so broken, yet he smiled at her in a way that confused me. I couldn't tell if the smile was real or forced. I thought of how she was quick to be at his side when they left the cafeteria. Jealousy and sadness burned through me.

I tried to stop thinking about it as I grabbed muesli bar from the kitchen, rushing out the house. I sped to school, deciding that shuffling tiredly would do no good this morning.

I got to school in record time, slightly earlier than usual. A weird sense of achievement washed over me as I took my time getting to my locker. I was just going to have to suck it up and go to all my classes, I guessed. I didn't like the idea of having to keep my gaze away from Alex and pretend not to notice him. I'd have to face him at some point- I knew that, but I wanted to delay that as much as possible.

"Jack! Hey!" Rian called, rushing over with Matt hot on his heels.

"Hey," I greeted, pushing a smile onto my face as I unlocked my locker, shoving the key back into my pocket. I checked my schedual, frowning when I saw English. Not only did I have a now over due essay, but Alex was in my English class. 

"Why the long face?" Rian joked, adding a pout. 

"Over due project," I muttered, only saying half of the reason. 

"Dude you've had a month to do that," Matt said, rolling his eyes. 

"Oh shut up, you finished it only like last weekend," I laughed dryly. 

"As in three weekends ago," Flyzik chuckled, patting my shoulder before saying, "I got to go to my locker," and bidding us goodbye just as the bell rung. 

Groaning, I wedged the books between my arm and chest, nudging my locker shut with my shoulder. I locked it with my right hand quickly and sped off to class, leaving Rian to rush to his locker and grab his crap.

As I entered the classroom, my eyes raked over the classroom. There were two spare seats; each of them being at the table me and Alex usually sat at. I sighed begrudgingly, dropping my books on the table and falling back into my chair with a soft "ooft" falling from my lips.

Alex didn't end up coming to class today, which had me relieved, yet worried and disappointed. I couldn't think of many times where Alex hadn't been at school. He was one of those people who would look at all his classes for the day and ask himself, "Are they important?" 

He didn't show up to any classes that we shared, that made me fear that he was doing exactly what I'd done to him the day before. My heart panged with guilt and hurt; I should just talk to him- we always got through problems.