Drowning in a River of Denial (Jalex)

Drenched In My Pain Again

Hello!
So I'm really surprised that the last chapter got 5 votes?? Also thank you so much for getting me to 126 reads, that's amazing. 

So sorry this chapter is so scattered. I guess it's just how I think and I'm not great at making it all kind of... Blend together. 

Enjoy!

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Alex

After atleast forty minutes, Jack's tears had dried up and he was left with tear stained, blotchy cheeks, a snotty nose and red, watery eyes. He'd turned into a stuttering mess, trying to mumble out a string of sentences that were mashed together. I'd attempted to calm him down more than once and it would work most of the time, even though it was only for a few minutes. I'd noticed that hugging him or touching his arm lightly would help.

My heart was literally aching by the end of his explanation. Seeing him in so much pain sucked, honestly. He looked completely drained of energy once again. But I knew Jack well enough to know that he was not going back to sleep for a long time.

Neither Jack or I were good with words, so I'd stuck Enema Of The State into the CD player and left the volume somewhere in between silent and hushed; the kind of calming sound that is just loud enough to block out the sound of cars skidding down damp roads and trees whirring in the wind.

But the main thing was; it had calmed Jack down enough for his subdued manner to turn content. The silence was thought filled, music being the only thing I could hear. Jack's eyes were casted downward, eyes scanning over one small patch of area on my bed sheets. I watched as his eyebrows had furrowed together, a look of concentration and wonder clear in his features. Despite my embarrassing hair-flattening moment with Jack, his hair still messily sat atop his head, each strand looking like it didn't belong where it lay, strewn about. But I liked it, I found it- in some weird way- adorable. 

Which lead me back to something that had been on my mind all week; there was a slight possibility- or a big possibility- that I liked Jack alot more than I should. But the thing is, Jack was straight, for sure. I'd seen him check out girls multiple times and heard "Dude, she's hot" slip out his mouth various times within the one week we'd been reunited. I wasn't all that jealous, really, just more envious of the girls.

Actually, just yesterday he'd been talking to his friend Tay whilst I awkwardly listened in from the cafateria table next to him. He and her basically just flirted for a while to the point of my zoning out and scooting closer to Rian to hear what him and Matt were laughing about. But fuck, Jack must have had alot of fucking experience with flirting. 

Which all came back to me back to feeling kind of, sort of, envious. It wasn't malicious at all because I knew for sure there was no way Jack would ever feel anything remotely close to what I felt. 

I, ofcourse, was back in the closet from having to deal with a whole lot of bullshit at my old school. Hence the reason I changed schools. The words "Faggot" and "Cocksucker" were popular nicknames that had been specially chosen for me. Being shoved against lockers had become routine, but when they began taking it a step too far, I'd told my Mum and she'd immediatly got on the job and made me switch schools. I guess you could say I wouldn't be coming out again any time soon. 

"Alex?" Jack's voice interrupted my thoughts of all-things-gay. 

"Hmm?" I hummed out a reply, snapping out of my brief daze and refocusing my eyes.

"Thanks for doing all this for me," He said shyly, his hands tangled together and fidgeting.

"I-I know I can't protect you forever, Jack, but I'm just glad I can help at all. If I could, I'd totally keep you here forever. I hate seeing you so hurt," I admitted sheepishly. I really meant it, after all, I couldn't do much more than be there for him and take him away from the senseless names and beating.