Drowning in a River of Denial (Jalex)

I'm Not O-Fucking-Kay

WARNING : THIS CHAPTER COULD BE TRIGGERING. I AM NOT MAKING SELF-HARM ROMANTIC AND I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING JACK IS THINKING IS TRUE OR HELPFUL.

ALSO 1,000 READS?? HOLY SHIT THANKYOU SO MUCH! WOW :D

Big thank you to everyone who reads this fanfiction, it means alot. Dedicated to _LucyGaskarth because she votes for every chapter and was my first reader. It means alot. 

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Jack

My father hadn't returned and it'd been a month since he'd fucked off. I wasn't coping well; paranoia and anxiety was hard to ignore. 

My Mum had been crying herself to sleep, thinking I couldn't hear. It kept me up at night when I stayed. Sometimes she wouldn't sleep at all and would pace for a while or watch TV, or sometimes go out. I had no idea where. I didn't ask, she wouldn't like to know that I know what's been happening.

She misses my father, it was obvious. While she hoped for his return, I hoped for him to never come back. 

My mind was destroying itself, making sure to take every last thing keeping me sane with it. All I had now was Alex. Without even knowing it, he'd distracted me from recklessly dragging the razor across my skin. But that would have done something to ease the painful feeling of mentally falling apart. I'd been at Alex's house too much to have acted on those thoughts. 

Alex was supposed to be at my house soon and I was thankful considering my current thoughts that endlessly swirled around my mind. My Mum had picked up more shifts at work as my father wasn't home. He'd come at some point during the time he was gone, earlier on, because his clothes and work crap had completely vanished from the house.

Mum wasn't home until early morning which meant I had the whole day to spend with Alex. And almost as if he were on cue, three loud knocks came from downstairs. Thankful for him arriving, I bounced down, skipping multiple stairs at once.

Mum was completely disgusted with the state of my room and requested that I clean it while she was at work or I'd lose phone and laptop priveleges, and being an angry teenage boy, I argued and groaned at her to no avail. So, naturally I complained to my bestfriend who then offered his help jokingly but was held to his offer and was now being dragged to my room to sort through piles of crap left in every corner of my room.

He groaned dramatically as he saw the state of my room before shooting me a pleading gaze. I only smirked in reply and told him to put as much rubbish as he could in the plastic bag I'd provided, or shoved at his chest.

"Oh come on, Jack, I was only joking when I said I'd help," He whined, attempting to hit me with the plastic bag- which only gently brushed my arm, me barely feeling it.

"Which was cruel to get my hopes up, you owe me," I said, straight faced.

"Whatever," He mumbled, beginning to shove things into the bag. I joined him only moments later, but not before placing New Found Glory into the CD player and humming along with Alex- who, I might add, sounded like a fucking angel.

It wasn't long until he was singing alone completely, barely having to put effort in as his voice flawlessly kept up with the song. He knew every lyric off by heart, not even messing up once.

"Have I ever told you that you're the best singer I know?" I asked, picking up a scrunched up piece of paper and shoving it into the bag. He responded by purposely going off tune pulling a face.

"Really? Thanks!" He sang, his voice still off tune.

"You're an idiot," I laughed.

We continued joking around and laughing, soon enough switching to Blink-182's album, Take Off Your Pants And Jacket. I sang Tom's parts, while Alex sang Mark's. Every now and then we'd give eachother a look when our voices went together well and we'd just kind of chuckle and continue.