Drowning in a River of Denial (Jalex)

You're Not Alone, You're With Me

Hello!
Shout out to CliffordxHoran for voting on every chapter, for commenting and for fanning, it means a lot to me <33

I apologise for the scattery-ness of this chapter.

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Jack

After bidding our goodbyes, I left Alex's house with his "good luck" making me realise just how serious the consequences of leaving for the weekend were. I suppose I was just clinging onto Alex's logic; he won't notice because he's too drunk. Wow, how desperate was I?

I spent the whole weekend at Alex's, which admittedly was most likely worth all the trouble I was about to endure. I mean, I felt safe. I felt safe when we shared body heat, when we were connected somehow. I'd never really thought about how much I relied on touch.

With the thought of Alex being the only thing keeping me from hyperventilating, I stepped hesitantly on the varandah and opened the unlocked door.

To my surprise, my Mum was there, holding two empty beer bottles in each hand. The look on her face was almost foreign to me; it was unexplainable.

"...Mum? What's going on?" I softly clicked the door shut behind me.

"I came home early and found your father, well, um... He had too much to drink," she emphasised this by holding the bottles up. "We argued and he stormed out of the house," her lips were pressed into a tight line as she finished her story. I wasn't surprised about him drinking too much, but for him to leave? He's never done that before.

"Oh, okay. Do you know when he'll be back?" I put on my best nonchalant voice, hoping she wouldn't hear the waver. She sighed, shaking her head. She continued to clear out the bottles, piling them into a plastic bin bag.


It had been two weeks since my father had left. I'd never felt so scared and relieved at once. He could come home at any point and give me a beating I'd remember for a life time, or he could never come back. I'd silently hoped for the latter.

But, I was relieved I could stay at Alex's house without worry. There was no nagging feeling about the bedroom door being broken down when I was at his house.

School had just ended for the day and Alex and I headed for his house, trudging through the cold air in fear of the possible rain that could begin to fall from the dark grey clouds above.

When we arrived at his house, we remained untouched by raindrops and entered, our first destination; the kitchen. He swung open the fridge door and pulled out a plate of sandwiches, curtesy of his mother. There were two on the plate, one for her son and one for me.

I sat atop the counter, munching away on the chicken sandwich. Both of us made sounds of satisfaction with each bite.

"So do you know if your Dad's back yet?" Alex spoke, his mouth full.

Shaking my head, I replied, "Nope. It's weird, he's never done anything like this,"

"Are you glad?"

"I'm not sure. I'm scared, really scared. He could come back at any time and I'm not prepared," I admitted honestly.

"You're not allowed to ever leave my house again," he playfully warned, pointing his index finger at me.

"Psh, I wish," I replied. I watched as Alex finished his food and briefly looked in deep thought. "Tap," I pointed to the sink, knowing he was considering wiping his hands on his clothes.

"Okay, Mum," he sarcastically emphasised 'Mum' and washed his hands, smirking. I rolled my eyes at him and washed my hands aswell. And that was the end of all talk about my father.

After a moment of deliberation, I took his hand and dragged him upstairs with me. This had become normal- holding his hand- I'd even started doing it at school, under the table at lunch. His hand was soft and felt good against my calloused fingers. It was like... I felt like someone cared enough to, despite sexuality and masculinity, hold my hand and give me a feeling of content.

I flopped onto his large bed, taking him down with me.

I looked over at Alex once a few minutes of silence had passed. His eyebrows furrowed as he thought, his eyes staring at the ceiling. I couldn't help but notice how nice his eyes were; a deep caramel colour, darker and lighter flecks decorating his iris. His eyelashes looked so much longer up close, framing his eyes.

"Hey Alex," I pulled him from his trance, grabbing his attention.

"Hm?"

"You have really nice eyes," I complimented, not even caring how it sounded. It was true, wasn't it?

"Shut up," he sheepishly looked away, red colouring his cheeks.

"I'm serious," I chuckled, his reaction quite amusing. This was probably the second time I'd seen him blush.

"Stop," he groaned, turning onto his side.

"But Alex, your blush is just too cute," I put on my most innocent voice, shuffling so I could sit next to him, looking over his face.

"Jack," he warned, his cheeks a shade deeper.

"Alex," I mimicked.

"I have a new goal in life," I stated. He sighed happily when he thought I'd changed subject.

"What is it, Jack?" He grinned, knowing it wouldn't be normal.

"To make you blush every day that I see you- which is what? Like everyday?"

"Jack, I swear to god-" he began to threaten.

"No stopping me now!" I laughed, purposely making it sound maniacal.

"Whatever," He huffed.

School came around once again, the dark clouds dawning over the large brick building. It gave the place a grim, sinister look.

I entered the school, hands stuffed in pockets and hoodie over head. I was grateful for the weather, no matter how gloomy, as it gave me a reason to wear hoodies to hide my self inflicted wounds. Which reminded me of the uncomfortable sting and itch of the newly acquired cuts on my arms.

Distracting me from that feeling, Tay was stood there with Alex, at my locker. I was confused to say the least. I wasn't sure if they were friends or not, it was confusing. Also, I was about eighty percent sure that Tay had a thing for Alex.

And something about that thought annoyed the shit out of me.
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Hello!

So this chapter is kind of jumbled but oh well. I wanted to get a chapter out. I got a new laptop but had started this chapter before I got it and couldn't continue unless on my phone. That's why it took a while.

Also, I have started writing a Dan and Phil (Phan) story so I'm not sure if anyone would like me to upload it or not.

And hey, if you have twitter (shameless self promotion right here), it would be amazing if you followed me, @AllTimeHuh

Merry Christmas!

Thank you for reading.

Comments and Votes make me happy.

Title credit : You're Not Alone by Of Mice & Men