God Is In Control

7

John's POV

Maybe that kiss that lingered there lead to something else but hey, we are married.

I moved the blanket that covered me, up a little.

Buy a bigger blanket the next time you go shopping. I made a mental note to myself.

I looked at my wife. Her long brown hair now loosed out of the bun. Her face into my chest. Her body snuggled close to me. Her peaceful breathing and her rising chest.

I have been reading a book that is primarily focused on newly weds like us and it talks about how when we once do the deed, we should talk about it because we are not sure if the other may have felt comfortable in the process.

I am pretty sure Liv would think it would be an awkward conversation. I loved how our bodies were in sync with each other. How her back arched when I gave her my all. How we moaned each others name once we reached our climax. How she was a little shy when I take off her bra or underwear. Maybe we do need to talk about it.

And we need to talk about reproduction. Would we have a girl and she become a daddy's girl and the boy, a mommy's boy? Would the girl look like her mom that is laying next to me? Or would she have more features of mine? How would we raise up our children in the Lord?

Would the baby or babies (dear Lord, I don't think we are ready for twins or triplets) cry every night before they sleep? Would me and Liv take turns staying up at night? Were we even ready for kids?

Was I ready to become a father and take my kids on their very first day of school? This book has me in my wildest thoughts.

"John?" Liv murmured from my chest that made me rumble.
"Yeah?"

"Never mind". She looked at me with her chocolate eyes then closed them to go back to sleep. " Liv, what is it?" I sat up, resting my back on the headboard. "Just a dream. I thought he came and took me and I just wanted to make sure that it wasn't real" she replied but not looking at me.

I could tell who she meant. And also the worry in her voice. "Pray against it. And hey, babe?"
She looked at me and I could tell that she was scared.
"God did not give us the spirit of fear but-"
"Love, peace and a sound mind" she finished.

I stroked her hair and kissed her. "You do realize we are not wearing clothes right?"  She stated out of the blue.

Way to break the peaceful silence, Liv.

"And your point is?" I raised an eyebrow at her. She blushed and put her hands on her face. "Babe, if you feel nervous about being naked with me, let me know. We are supposed to talk about these kind of things, Liv" I removed her hands from her face.

"That's awkward" she replied.

I told you she would think so.

"So, in my opinion, I like when we have intimacy with each other. We have to talk about reproduction later on but let's stick with what we are dealing with here. Olivia Knight, are you nervous when we only share our bodies on the bed? You show many signs about it" I stared at her hard.

She sat up but kept the blanket on her, holding it really close.

"Do you really want to know?"

I nodded. She looked at me and gave me a long sigh.

"I was raped John. By him. The guy that took me away and almost killed me. The guy we saw at Taco Rama after we searched for my ring. It just feels weird because I don't think I am worthy to be on the bed with you. You are probably a virgin. I was raped by him. And it has left such a big scar on me for the longest time. That was why I panicked when you asked me out and I told you to give me time. When you take off my clothes, it brings back the memories of when he did and aargh! That's why I feel insecure about my body, John. I regret everything about that day" Tears roamed down her cheeks.

I just looked at my hands in shock.

My wife was raped and she never told me.

"Why didn't you tell me before we got married?"

"Because you probably wouldn't have wanted to marry me. You probably wanted someone that was a virgin and definitely not someone like me who is insecure". She hid her face in her part of the blanket and screamed, I am sorry.

I couldn't even look at her.

Why would she ever think that?

I got up and put on a fresh pair of boxers and went to the living room. I just needed space right now and that was greatly needed.

Dun Dun Dun!!!! Sorry with my fake sound effect. That probably hit you guys uh?😂😂 Ok. Until next time 😊😊.