the baby cullen

chapter 15 : hidden letters

It had been years since Edward had left,

Nearly a solid decade of missed birthday's, Christmases, and Easters; as well as Thanksgiving and every other major holiday we celebrated as family-a broken family; but I kept that notion to myself, to keep from hurting my family. Of course we only celebrated these events because my parents and older siblings wanted to keep my life as normal as possible.

It was events like this that hurt me the most, because it was a constant reminder to me. A constant reminder that the one person I craved for, desired to be beside me at all times; for the one I loved so much-too much-the person I physically ached for...was never around.

Edward.

Even though I wrote to him every week, begging him to come home, even if it was just for a day or even a few hours; he never came home. I begged him to call me, no matter what time of day it was; he never called. I begged him to write back to me, even if it was just a few simple words conveying that he missed me or thought about me; he never wrote back.

And it broke my heart.

Eventually I didn't expect anything back, but kept writing to him faithfully; every week, the same day. I would write about everything I could remember that happened in that particular week; I would send pictures sometimes, if a really big event had come up or just thought maybe, Edward would just want to know what was going on in my life-family life.

I saved a letter that I had written, but never sent; I had written two that week...but only sent one.

August 21, 2007

To my dearest Edward,

Words will never be enough to describe how much I miss you everyday; though the sun still rises in the morning and sets in the evening, behind the mountain tops, and even though, the earth still spins on it's axis hanging by the invisible thread that holds us in place in our universe...I still miss you.

Though I know by now, not to expect anything in return from you, I still hold hope that you will one day respond to my unashamed, and extremely selfish, begging pleas for you to hear me. Though I cannot be sure that you are receiving these letters or even taking the time to read them; for all I know they end up, crumpled in the trash or burned in a fire or just left on a table in a room you never go into...I still wait for your reply.

I didn't have that great of a week, this week.

School is still very much the same, and still as easy and boring as every other day; the only real perk of being in public school, is my friends-but I tell you that every week. I aced all of my tests this week as well-the pop quiz, Mr. Banner gave us today was almost too easy-If it wasn't enough that I'm doing so well in school, Mr. Greene and mom and daddy have been talking about pulling me from grade nine and putting me into grade ten and eleven subjects,

Though I enjoy the challenge...I just want things to stay the way they are; I know that as much as daddy wants to see me excel, that he would care about what I thought on this. I mean, what I want is important too...right?

See what I mean about a boring week...?

I've been keeping up my running-though that shouldn't surprise you or anyone really-It's been a little odd at times though...especially when Emmett doesn't run with me; it feels like someone or something is watching me from afar.

I do my best to ignore it; because if I don't, it takes away all my fun.

Speaking of ignoring...Skylar is still ignoring me and my friends. I nearly got in a fight with her. She was bad mouthing me and my friends; she tried to provoke me with unbelievable facts about my birth mother and father. I mean really...if mom and daddy don't know who he is...how in the hell is she supposed to know? We were born in the same year for crying out loud!

You don't think Skylar, really knows anything do you?

Skylar screamed that my birth parents were both major Coke heads, and that I was born a crack baby; I mean honestly! Who is going to believe that? I have yet to ask daddy about this little bit of information; but I'm not worried.

Or maybe I am...I just don't know anymore!

I am so confused and frightened, Edward! I mean what if it was true...what does that mean for me? Do momma and daddy all ready know? Will they still want me afterwards? Does this me that I will end up like my birth parents no matter what I do?

I don't want to end up like that. And I am so scared that I will.

Please Edward...I know I have begged you relentlessly for so long; but if any of my begging and pleading is to be heard by you...please don't let me end up like my birth parents! I couldn't bare, hurting any of you like that...but maybe it's fated to be this way.

Just please...don't let me end up that way, and if I ever do...please pull me back.

Anyways...on a lighter note, I went on another shopping trip with Alice; summer break is almost over, and I need a wardrobe for school-no matter what grade or grades I get put into this year.

I wish you were here.

I wish you were here to help me through my loneliness and confusion. I wish you were here to protect me from the unseen evils lurking street corners or when I have nightmares or when Alice can't be contained.

Speaking of nightmares...I keep having that same dream of you. I know you haven't hurt humans in a very long time...especially me-asides from the not being here bit-but I still can't find what you are asking me to look for.

Where can I find it, Edward?

Where can I find your heart beat?

Eternally yours,

Isabella Elizabeth Cullen.

It amazed both my parents that I never lost hope in Edward. It amazed my father the most. Even when Edward wasn't here with us in the house; I made my father call him and discuss anything major with him.

I am one hundred percent devoted to Edward; though my parents, and older siblings think that I am far too young to understand the concept of love or a long lasting relationship...I know different.

I love him. I have always loved him. I will continue to love him; for all of my days. I will love him even if he loves another.

And I love him even though he has and will continue to break my heart.

I know deep down inside that Edward would never love me the way I love him; because if he did...he never would have left me.