Lams One-Shots

Moments That The Words Don't Reach

Alexander sat at his desk, the door locked. 

John couldn't be dead, he refused to believe that John was dead. 

He fiddled with his pen, tears stinging the edge of his eyes. John, the freckled face, starry-eyed, smiling boy who had caught Alexander's heart and refused to let it go. Alexander could not grasp the idea that that boy, John Laurens, was no longer among the living. 

Alexander sighed, placing his head on his desk. A lone tear dripped down his cheek. John, the boy who fought Charles Lee for him. John Laurens, the boy that made Alexander's heart race at any mention of him, John Laurens, the boy that would undoubtedly be there, standing at Alexander's side. But he wasn't now. 

Alexander wished he could have more time. To embrace John, to tell him that he loved him. But it was all too late now, besides, they could be in great danger if Alexander professed his love. None of that mattered, however, not anymore. 

Alexander sat up and leaned back in his chair, wondering if things could be different. If he could've lived-in a world where he could love John openly, if John would still be here with him. If he'd be standing here right now. 

Alex could hear Philip's cries from the other room, yet everything was quiet. A sad, longing quiet. 

He was quiet for his fallen friend. The man who redefined bravery in South Carolina, not long ago. The man who wanted to free all the slaves. The man who looked at Alexander as though he had put the stars in the sky. He was quiet for the man he never got to have. 

Eventually, the quiet stopped and the pain began again. Alexander's heart felt heavy as he picked up his pen and began to write. 

(I know he didn't write this until November 1782 and to Nathanael Greene, but for story purposes)

I feel the deepest affliction at the news we have just received at the loss of our dear and inestimable friend Laurens. His career of virtue is at end. How strangely are human affairs conducted, that so many excellent qualities could not ensure a more happy fate! The world will feel the loss of a man who has left few like him behind; and America, of a citizen whose heart realized that patriotism of which others only talk. I feel the loss of a friend whom I truly and most tenderly loved, and one of a very small number.

Alexander looked at the paragraph he had just created. He tried his best to describe what he had just lost without giving up his true feelings for John. However, he was experiencing one of those moments when the emotion is so overwhelming, no words can even begin to describe what you felt inside. 

And although Alexander tried, there was no way he could write the words that really showed how much he missed John. How much his heart ached for the beautiful boy that stole Hamilton's heart and would keep it, even after death. 

I hope that was good. going to camp tomorrow and will not be able to update for about a month. sorry it's so short