Lams One-Shots

And So John Watched Him

GUYS IM SO SORRY I DIDNT PUBLISH THIS ONESHOT SOONER! I WROTE IT ON THE PLANE BUT MY HOTEL HAD COMPLETELY CRAP WIFI AND I WASN'T ABLE TO UNTIL TODAY I HOPE YOU ARENT MAD !!!

John had a habit of watching. Watching the world go by, watching people succeed and fail, just watching them. No one, in particular, just everyone. The entirety of his relatively small world, he watched. That is, until, Aaron Burr brought a young man into the Tavern. He had a smaller build, dark hair in a ponytail. And his eyes. His fucking eyes. They had a determined, focused, intelligent set to them, the type you could get lost in. Forever, and never come up for air.

And John stopped watching the world, he started watching him. Alexander Hamilton.

Intrigued, he watched as the immigrant stood up on the table and declared he was to be in future history books. That he had a shot and he was no throwing it away. And John felt his heart beat faster by each captivating word. Alexander Hamilton had a hold on John, so John watched him. Intently.

And the best feeling John's ever experienced was when Alexander caught his gaze and they stared each other. An easy grin crossed the boy and he leaped off the table.

An arm slung over John's shoulder, Alexander clinked their glasses together. "I may not live to see our glory..." Alexander sang, squeezing John's shoulder.

John watched Alexander stand in Washington's office. His shoulder broad, eyes up, hand against his forehead in a salute. John and Lafayette were sitting outside the window, faces pressed against the glass. Washington had called Alexander in not too long ago. John stared at the scene, surveying it. Though, mostly, John was watching Alexander.

"We are a powder keg about to explode, I need someone like you to lighten the load," Washington bellowed and John felt his heart pinch in relief. George wouldn't be sending Alexander out to fight, there was a sense of assuredness in knowing Hamilton wasn't going to be put in danger, despite Alexander's protests.

Amused, John watched Alexander pace around their small tent. A fistful of papers in one hand and a quill in the other, he strode around in a circle, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. John finally stopped watching and stood up.

"You should be asleep, my Hamilton," John cooed, his breath tickling Alexander's ear. "It's far too late for any man fighting a revolution to be up, muttering nonsense. C'mon, my dear, rest that brain of yours."
 "That's out of the question, Laurens," Alexander replied, letting John hug him from behind, trying to pull him towards the cot.

"My dear, everyone needs sleep, even the great Alexander Hamilton."
 "You wound me," Alexander replied, bored tone. John rolls his eyes before taking a more...risqué... approach. John dragged the bottom on his lip against Alexander's cheeks, trailing all the way down to his warm neck. There, John began to pepper it with kisses, whispering sweet nothings in between each kiss and breath.

It seemed to be working when Alexander dropped his papers to his side and looked amusedly at his secret lover. "You do not know when to stop, do you, my John?"
 "No one will hear us if we're quiet," John mumbled, tugging at Alexander's hand. "And afterward, you need to go to sleep, alright?"

"Ah, you do convince me in your endeavors. Amuse me," Alexander's eyes twinkled as he said this, sending his lover all the way back to when he burst through the tavern behind Aaron Burr. John melted into Alexander's touch, reaching out to put a hand on Alex's cheek.

"Oh, how I'd be lost without you, my dear Hamilton," John mumbled, before reaching up and kissing Alexander again.

"And I to you," Alexander's voice came out in a soft moan, their tongues clashing together.

John watched as Alexander's lips parted and a soft breath let out. His eyes were closed, but John knew they were content. John knew he never felt more at ease them when lying next to Alexander, half asleep. The world seemed simpler when you're are half asleep, slipping in and out consciousness. It was a world where he and Alexander were free to love.

Eyes fluttered closed, John took one last gaze at the love of his life, wishing he was a woman so they could be together. So he could watch him without any shame.

John felt nothing as he watched Alexander kiss Eliza. Nothing at all, it was just a raw, numb jolt in his heart, spreading throughout his entire body. The way Eliza stared at Alexander, love pouring out of every single glance. It used to make John angry, it still did, but right now, in that moment. John felt a terrible, stinging, nothing.

Alexander deserves to marry, John reminds himself, it's not like we could have spent out entire lives single and secretive. But there's a tiny part inside of him, screaming. Crying. In anguish. Because Alexander was starting a new life with Eliza Schuyler (now) Hamilton and he would eventually forget about John. Their rendezvous and love, he would start a family and be a father. He would continue to be Washington's right hand man. And John would always be the one watching Hamilton, unable to do anything to claim him. Anything to show him the real love he felt for him.

John watched as Charles Lee crumpled to the ground, screams ringing out from all over the place. John was overwhelmed. He shot someone, he shot someone for Alexander. Dropping his pistol, John turned to Alexander.

"WE WON!" Alexander shouted and John ran into his arms. The hug was quick and friendly, so as to not arouse suspicion. But any contact with Hamilton was contact enough to satisfy John. Since Alexander's courtship, their affair happened less and less and John missed holding Alexander. He missed the taste on him, the sensation of his lips against John's skin. Thinking about it at night was enough to send the freckled boy into chills.

John watched the world again, he was alone once more. South Carolina, he thought it was funny he would die where he was born. He watched the sky above, for there was no Hamilton to watch anymore. They were miles apart, an eternity. He was the New York City, making a government. John was still warding off soldiers. I guess I've always held on to the past, John thinks bitterly.

But then a funny thing happened, he saw Alexander's face peering down at him. A slow wince of pain crossed John's features before a tiny smile. And he watched Alexander's face staring, worriedly, at him as he faded away. He knew Alexander wouldn't tell his story, their story, but he didn't mind. He was content with just watching him, as John Laurens died. 

so i got this idea from Hamilton when I went to see it in person. Jordan Fisher, who played John now that Anthony is gone, I saw would always stand behind Alex during a lot of important Act 1 scenes (like the "we are a powder keg about to explode" part, he was sitting and watching on the stairs behind Washington and Alex). So I realized John was a huge part of Hammy's life but never really in it as a person, he always seemed to be watching from the sidelines. And this came out of it, I hope you all like it :)

ps: i'm sure all of you will get to see hamilton eventually ☺️