Lams One-Shots

Why John Laurens is Beautiful in Every Way

John stared at himself in the mirror, examining his body from every possible angle. Sighing, he pulled his shirt back on, unsatisfied with his reflection. Alexander should be home with dinner now, he thinks. As if on cue, Hamilton gallivants into their small apartment with a bag of take-out Chinese food. 

"I AM HOME MR. LAURENS!" He shouts, extravagantly. John knows Alex has had a good day by the way he enters the house. Smiling, he pushes his insecurities farther into his mind to make room for his boyfriends day in his mind, which he's positive will he a topic of discussion at dinner. 

"Welcome back, Mr. Hamilton," John says, kissing Alex's jawbone, tenderly. Alex wraps his arms around John, John internally wincing when his arms brushes past his stomach. 

"How was your day?" He asks, placing a chaste kiss on John's forehead. 

"Alright," John says, sitting down at their two seating table, while Alex grabs the dishes. "Never knew med school could be so hard." He traces invisible circles on the table with his finger, he feels empty. Yet, he feels full and bloated. 

Alex chuckles, oblivious to his boyfriend's problems. "Suppose that's just part of healthcare."

"So," John says, quickly changing the conversation. "What's gotten you all happy?"

"Jefferson lost the debate," Hamilton says, giggling like a child who got their enemy in trouble. "And he totally pissed off and started yelling his ass off, then Washington goes 'that is not acceptable behavior in my courthouse.'"

John managed a fake laugh, but Alexander knew his boyfriend better, growing suspicious. Sitting down at the table, he noticed John not eating, only stirring his chopsticks around his plate, creating a mess of noodles and kung-pao chicken. 

"C'mon, eat," Alex coaxed. "Are you not hungry?"

John shrugged, not making eye contact with Alex. "I dunno, I guess not." 

Concerned, Alex reached over to place a hand on John's forehead, to which John quickly swatted it away. "No, I'm not sick!"

Taken aback by John's sudden outburst, Hamilton's eyes widened. It wasn't like John to be so...crabby. "Are you sure you're okay?"

John simply sighed and got up from the table. Confused, Alex watched John walk into the bedroom and close the door. 

Alexander, now growing more and more concerned, ate as fast as he could and went to go see where John was. When he walked into their shared bedroom, he could hear the sounds of vomiting coming from their bathroom. Suddenly, it hit Alex and his heart started pounding a million beats per second. 

"John?" He said, flinging the door open, to reveal a John sitting at the toilet, throwing up everything he's ate in the past couple of hours. John felt his cheeks begin to burn in shame when being discovered. His soft eyes filled with tears and he felt his entire body shaking. 

Alexander dropped down beside John and pulled him into a careful hug, almost as though if he squeezed to hard, he would break the fragile boy. "No," He whispered into John's fluffy curls. "Please no, I thought you had gotten better. I thought...I dunno, I thought we were behind this."

John cried into Alex's chest, sobs racking his skinny frame. 

Ugly

Fat

Disgusting

Those words rang in his brain, again and again and again. He hated them, yet...he believed them. All he could do was cling onto his boyfriend for dear life as these words tormented him, beating him repeatedly. Again and again, the evil words struck him. More tears, more pain, more taunts.