Lams One-Shots

Comforting Alex

theres not a lot of romance in this one... sorry :/

Alexander can pinpoint the day his life when to shit. It was the day that Eliza Schuyler Hamilton died. Alexander knew she was getting sicker by every passing day, but he still refused to believe his lovely wife was gone.

Alexander stared, blankly, at the casket. She looked so peaceful, like a candle that's been blown out. He held a 6 year old Phillip tightly as he swallowed his tears, he had to look strong for Phillip.

John watched sadly, it hurt him to see his best friend so upset. He knew how much the young woman meant to not only Alexander, but everyone. Him, her sisters, Laf and Herc. It just wasn't fair she was taken from the earth so soon. Peggy clutched onto John, bawling her eyes out. John ran a hand through her wavy hair, trying to calm his friend, quietly.

Later that night, there was a knocking on the door.

Phillip, usually happy and full of energy, rolled off the couch, where he was laying, and dragged himself to the door. He muttered sadly "Who is it?"

"It's John," John called.

Slowly, Phillip opened the door. John felt his heart break when he saw the small boy, so feebly open the door. He put down the bag of takeout food he brought over and knelt down and pulled Phillip into a hug, wordlessly.

"You doing alright bud?" John asked, knowing the answer. He felt hot tears on his shoulder, where Phillip rested his head.

"N-no," Phillip mumbled, sadly. "I miss my mommy!"

John whispered "I know. Your mommy was a great person, we all miss her. I'm so sorry this happened to you, Phillip."

Phillip nodded into John's neck. "Did you come to see Daddy?" phillip was well aware of how close Alexander and John were.

"Well, yes, and you. I wanted to check up on you guys. I brought some food too, have you ate dinner yet?"

Phillip shook his head. John frowned a little. It was almost 9, dinnertime for the Hamilton's was usually 6, the poor kid must be starving.

John, knowing the apartment very well, grabbed two plates and started putting food on one of them. He pushed it towards Phillip, who shook his head.

"C'mon Phillip, at least eat something?"

"Okay..." Phillip muttered, warily. He picked up a fork and began to eat. Once John saw he was continually eating, he put food on the second plate and walked down the hallways to Alex and Eliza's bedroom. He knocked on the door, lightly.

"Phillip?"

"It's John, can I come it?"

"Yeah," Alex mumbled. John was worried, he had never know Alex to have such terse words instead of his usual elegantly crafted speech.

John opened the door to see the room a mess. He knew Eliza never liked the room to be in too much in disarray, but know it looked as though a bomb went off in the bedroom. Alexander's papers were scattered everywhere. Clothes were strewn, carelessly, on the floor and chair. The closet doors were open and index cards cluttered every flat surface.

But what shocked John the most was Alex. He was pale, with dark bags under his eyes. His hair was greasy and messy. His eyes were red and glassy with tears as he sat on the bed.

"I-I brought you some food, Alexander."

"I don't want it," Alex refused.

John walked over to him. "You have to eat. You're getting so skinny, when as the last time you've eaten?" Alex didn't reply to his question, which worried John even more.

"Please? Just a few bites. Eliza wouldn't want you to be unhealthy and--"

"STOP IT!" roared Alex. John winced, eyes wide. Alexander never snapped at him or got that angry that fast. John wasn't mad, only sad, he could see just how much this was killing Alex and it hurt him so much to see his best friend in pain. "Don't talk about her!!"

John took a shaky breath, and bit his lip to keep from crying. To see Alexander like this, Peggy so distraught, Aneglica so depressed...to feel so bad. To know Eliza Hamilton, the sweetest most caring person...gone. It was too much. "Would you like me to leave?"

Alex's eyes widened at the prospect of John leaving. "N-no, p-please don't go..." his voice was quivering as fresh tears came to his eyes. John sat down next to Alexander on the bed, placing the plate on the nightstand. "I'm sorry I yelled, I'm sorry I didn't eat...I just...I..."

"Alexander," John interrupted, brushed Alex's hair out of his face, tenderly. "You know, you don't always have to be strong. You can cry if you want."

With that, Alex collapsed on John's chest, his shoulders shaking as he began to cry on John. John wrapped his arms around Alexander's fragile frame, almost as though he was protecting Alex. He prayed that soon Alex would begin to feel better. He rubbed his back, softly, whispering "shhh...shhh."

"I miss her so much," Alexander sobbed, pitifully. "She was my better half and now...now.. she's...I can't say it."

John felt a tear slip down his own cheeks. but brushed it away, he didn't want to worry Alex even more. "I know, I know." he said, in his most calming voice.

"She would always beg me to take a break," Alexander whispered, his voice still choked with tears and hiccuping on every other word. "I refused to. I wish I did. All that time I could've spent with her... I feel so guilty."

"Hey," Laurens said. "Don't feel guilty. You couldn't have known. Besides, she love you for you. Your working ethics and all."

Alex didn't reply, he only stirred in the silence, letting John hold him and card his fingers through Alex's hair, soothingly.

"And Phillip, he has no mother. He's only 6 years old John, 6 years. How will he grow up without Eliza? What if I'm not enough for him? What if I can't be a good enough father, what if--"

"Alexander," John murmured. "Phillip adores you. He looks up to you. You will be good enough."

Alexander tries to smile. He felt lucky that even in this terrible place, John still put up with him and comforted him.

"Thank you John."

"Of course Alexander, I'll always be there for you."