Lams One-Shots

Tears On The Rose Petals

this is a bit of an emotional piece for me, i'll tell you guys in the a/n at the end 

Alexander tried everything he could to coax John out of his room, but it was to no avail. 

"Please, John," Alex knocked on his apartment door."You need to come out, you need to talk about this." 

"I'm fine," was the simple answer, coming from the shut out boy. "You don't need to worry about me."

John wasn't okay, it took anybody with half a brain to realize this. John was a wreck. South Carolina had always been hell for him, except for one person. His mother. She made him feel loved. More than that. She made him feel needed. John loved her with his entire being (well, until he met Alexander). 

He had gotten the news that his mother had been shot in a drunken fight with his father. And John caved. 

He sunk to the ground, his fist balled up tightly at his side. Curling his knees to his chest, burying his face in his knees, his body shook. He couldn't comprehend it. Tears flowed down his cheeks, eyes wide with fear. Lips chapped, cheeks burning.

Alexander tried to rub his back, but John swatted him away. That was the last time Alexander saw John. 

He knew, despite all of John's protests, that John was anything but okay. His mother was his escape from their crumbling life. John and Mrs. Laurens made their own haven in their father's abyss of a household. They had also been close, John being her first son. They supported each other; through John's bullies and Mrs. Lauren's abusive relationship. She was the one who sacrificed everything to make sure that John got to New York. It was the reason she was no longer with them. Henry Laurens never forgave Eleanor Ball-Laurens for letting John get out of his crushing grasp. 

What Alexander didn't know was that John was fighting to have his mother's body buried in New York. The thought of her being buried in a place that killed her, slowly shattered her, it sickened him. He knew his mother always wanted to be in New York. So he would make sure she would get his dream. 

Alexander tried again the next day, not expecting John to open the door. When he walked down the hallway, what he saw made him smile. There John was, sitting outside his apartment's door, waiting for Alexander. He looked up and managed a shaky smile at his boyfriend. 

"Hey," John said. Alexander dropped his bag by his side and sank down to sit next to John. 

"Hey, how are you?"

"Not good," he finally admitted. He took a sharp breath. "I got her, Alex." His voice cracked as tears came to his soft eyes. He was used to it, tears were another constant in his life, now. Another expectation. 

"What...what do you mean?"

"They're shipping her body to New York, she doesn't have to stay in that...that...that fucking human killing state. She's gonna be here, buried here, I finally got the right to bury her here." John smiled through the blurriness in his eyes. He placed his head on Alex's shoulder, grabbing his hand. "You can finally meet her."

Alexander was speechless, but he kissed John's head, playing with his hair. "That's great, John." 

"I miss her," John suddenly said. A little bit of hope rose in Alex's chest. He hoped John was finally going to confront the feelings he'd been bottling up, fragmenting him from the inside-out. He rubbed the back of John's hand with his thumb. "She made me so happy, even when things were looking down. She used to surprise me with special gifts with part of her small paycheck. To make her smile, she'd do anything. I...I'll never get to wrap my arms around her and smell her cracked-rose perfume. Or...or tell her I love her when I hand her the Christmas present I bought her. There's so many never's I'll never get to do because my godawful father...he took her away from us...from me."

"John..." Alex tried to speak, but a sort of sadness got caught in his throat, so he stayed quiet. He could see John's saddened expression morph into one of anger and pain. John jammed his fist into his thigh, squeezing his eyes shut, teeth clenched. 

"He killed her! Not only did he pull the trigger...all those years, he killed her! She was loyal to him, she loved him but all he did was hit her. Tell her she was stupid. Dumb. A whore. And it made her so fucking sad, hearing all of that bullshit coming out of his mouth. She always thought the old Henry Laurens would return, but he never left. He was a demon, she just tried to see the good in him. She was always like that and that awful man never realized the treasure he had. EVEN BEFORE SHE DIED, HE KILLED HIM!" and with that, John collapsed onto Alexander's chest, sobbing his eyes out. Alexander was stunned, eyes widened in shock. 

"You've been holding in a lot, haven't you?" Alexander whispered, knowing he;d get no answer, only choked up whimpers. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry things turned out like this. She's in a better place now. How cliche, I know, but there's a lot of truth in it, don't you think?"

"I...I know...I just want her back, Alexander."

"I know, baby, but you gotta be strong. For her."

John probably couldn't do it if it weren't for Alexander's strong hand, wrapped tightly around his own. Or his soothing words, like milk and honey, whispering comforting words into his ear. 

The brisk autumn wind blew through the cemetery, a few leaves whirling past. John took a deep breath before walking closer to the gray gravestone in the ground. Smiling, trying to ignore the fresh batch of tears that prickled against his eyelids, he knelt down in front of it. 

"Hey, Momma," he whispered, a hand on top of the smoothly carved stone. "I miss you. You were always spiritual, saying how there were 50 days before a soul moves on to their next life. You always said it was to tie up loose ends. I hope you're with Grandma, I know you always missed her so much. Thank you for always making sure I was happy and always giving me the love I needed that I never got from da--Henry. I appreciate you so much, Mom, and I hope you always know that I love you."

Alexander watched, helplessly, before kneeling down next to John.

"Hi, Mrs. Ball-Laurens. I never got to meet you, but what I hear from you, you were an amazingly strong woman. I wish I did. Thank you for making John the beautiful person he is, I need him so much. And I promise to look after him, he is your favorite son, I hear."

John looked at Alexander, to his surprise, Alex was crying. John reached a shaky hand out to wipe Alex's tears away. But his own were cascading, delicately, down his cheeks. 

John pulled out a single red rose from his coat pocket and laid it across the top of the gravestone. Kissing it, he didn't even notice the single tear that fell on it's brightest petal. 

so my aunt died last friday. i was there when she passed and i miss her a lot. i haven;t brought myself to write almost anything in the past couple of days. i started watching free! to distract myself, but i realize i should finally face my feelings so i wrote this to let it out. she had a really tough childhood and marriage, but she always remained a strong person and i love her a lot. rest in peace aunt sue.