The 'Feelings' Journal

12. #2

#2

So I know I have to write in this everyday and all but like what exactly am I supposed to write in this thing? I know I said I would write about Samantha and her and her adventures at Jamestown High and all but that takes too much effort. I extremely lazy if you haven't noticed by now. I mean you have been watching me for a while now. Yeah that's right I know that you've been watching me ever since school started. Why is that; I'm not that interesting. But anyways back to the problem at hand! What am supposed to write in here? Let's try out a few things, shall we?

So with this being my first attempt at figuring this out I'm going to talk about my weekend: So it's like 2:00am Monday morning and I'm sitting on my bed trying to figure this all out. My weekend was pretty eventful. As you might know by the time you get this book Jessie and I went out on a date Friday. So that's basically all that happened that day, well that and I went to a party. Both outings were okay I guess. The weird thing about the date though (and I swear if you bring this up in one of our sessions or to anyone or anything I will make yoir life a living hell) I actually had fun with him. I had my intentions set on not having fun at all and I actually ended up having fun. It makes me kind of shudder on the inside. Feelings: Gross >.<

I closed the journal and layed back in my bed. I looked up at the ceiling zoning out completely. I feel bad but then again I don't. I just don't know anything anymore. I need to get a hold of myself before I do something stupid. My thoughts traveled back to Friday; back to that room; back to that moment. That moment when Jessie kissed me. His lips were soft and they seemed to be perfect against mine. I couldn't handle it, so I did the only I could think of. I pulled away and ran. I ran fast out the room, down the stairs, out the front door, and into my car sand drove away without looking back. We haven't talked since. Entirely by my choice. He has tried to contact me and talk to me, but I refused to talk to him. I couldn't face him, well not after what had happened anyways.Me freaking out and leaving wasn't really the only reason why I couldn't face him. The other reason was that I was scared. Scared. Wow that's something that I don't admit too often, hardly ever now that I think about it. Why am I even scared? There is no reason for me to be, yet I am. What is wrong with me? I scoffed aloud. It's kind of funny how every time I'm in deep thought my mind seems to wonder back to that one question; the question that I can never seem find the anwser to. What is wrong with me? I never really have a legitimate answer for the things I do, but people never cared enough to ask for one.  I looked at the clock. 2:50 am. I need to get some sleep if I'm going to be able to face Jessie tomorrow. 

Jessie POV

I was already ready to go to school and I was only 20 minutes early. That's the kind of effect she has on me. I have never gotten up this early, by choice that is. Ever since she ran out on me at the party I havent been the same. I've tried to talk to her, but she avoided me at all costs. I was mentally beating myself up for kissing her. I knew I was moving too fast and she would freak out, but that wasn't just it. Part of me was hoping that she wouldn't freak out. If anything that part of me was hoping that she'd stay or at least kiss me back. But I know that is just too much to ask for when you are dealing with someone as unpredictable as Samantha. Some how though I've sort of figured her out. I'm not positive, but I kind of feel like I am. I grabbed my keys and headed out towards my car. Hopefully she would be at school today and I could talk to her about Friday. When I got to school Sam was just pulling into her parking spot. I let out a deep breath and sat for a minute trying to figure out what to say to her. She wasn't the easiest person to talk to. Obviously. With another deep breath and 5 minutes later I got out of my car and walked staright in the building. As I was walking Lou started walking next to me saying something, but I wasn't paying him any attention. I was more focused on getting to Sam and working things out.

Stopping in my tracks my eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Sam and Zack. Sam and ZACK. What was going on here? Zack had his arm around Sam's shoulder pulling her close into his body. My eyes drifted down to Sam's face, she didn't even seem to care. She was just laughing away at something they had said. Then Zack leaned down and whispered something in her. She smiled and giggled to herself. Then stood on her tip toes to whisper something back. I couldn't handle it anymore. With quick fast strides I made my way over to Zack and Sam. "Sam can we talk?" I asked. She gave an unreadable look and just shook her head no. I sighed. "Lemme rephrase that. We need to talk.". Sam looked at me and then the clock on the wall. "Oh well look at the time I have to go. See you guys later." she said giving Zack a hug. But before she could pull away he said something in her ear. "No I can handle it." she said with a chuckle. "You sure?." Zack said raising an eyebrow. She nodded. "Alright. Let me know if you do though. Okay?" he said with a protective look on his face. She laughed again. "I'll be sure to." she said before heading out the double doors and down the hall. She was pretty quick for someone who was as lazy as her. "Sam wait!" I called down the hall. Her small quick steps were no match to my large ones. I grabbed her arm and turned her around. "What." she hissed. "We need to talk." I said calmly. "What is there to talk about?" she said with anger slipping from her words. "Friday." I said looking her deep in the eyes. "Yes, I did have a fun time at Paris Midi!. Is that what you want to hear?" she said extremely fast making it hard to keep up with her. "Kitten you know that's not what I'm talking about." I said in a soft voice taking a step closer to her. "Don't call me that." her voice was the same as it was Friday night. Too soft for anyone to hear, but I heard every word she said. "I have to go." Sam said looking at the ground. "Ok." I said no longer able to protest. Her voice was soft and quiet and she didn't look at anything except the ground. She was gone, at least for now. I'd have to get to her later on in the day when she'd actually talk. Hopefully.

A/N I am extremely sorry for the wait with this chapter. I have had a lot going on with school and such so I haven't had time to write, but I promise I'll be writing regularly next week!! :)