The 'Feelings' Journal

18. Begging

JESS POV

Samantha. The only thing that seemed to occupy my mind for the past few months. I smiled at the thought of her. I was sitting down at one if the tables in the lobby waiting for her to walk through those school doors like she owned the place. Just then she pushed the doors open letting in a breeze. She examined the place for a split second. "Sam!" I said getting her attention. She nodded and walked past me to sit in a chair. Before she could get any further I grabbed her wrist, spun her around, and pulled her into my lap. "Hey." I said my voice a little quieter than before. She let out a small giggle "Hi there. See I would be mad at you, but that was smooth as fuck.". I smiled proudly. I leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head. I looked at her confused. I thought we were pass this? "What's wrong?" I asked concerned. She got off my lap and looked down at me. "Nothing." She said and walked away. Apparently we weren't. What the hell? I stood up to say something, but she was already across the room with... Zack.

My breathing increased, what was she doing with him... again? I watched as she gave him a hug. Not just any hug. This hug was tight and they swayed in each other arms. Well mostly Zack swayed her in his arms. Sam on the other hand just stood there hugging him. Maybe she wasn't interested in him and I was just overreacting. I watched him as anger rushed through every part of my body. Zack leaned down and whispered something in her ear and Sam just smiled. Her smile was so cute. The way she closes her eyes and turns away so you can't see her face. This may sound creepy, but I've watched her long enough to know that when she smiles like that it means that she has heard something that she likes. This something was coming from Zack, the guy who I wanted the least around Sam. He always seemed to be able to do things to Sam, whispering in her ear or hugging her, that even if I attempted to do she wouldn't let me. Sam leaned up and whispered something back to him. Zack grinned. Nope. I've had enough! I walked over to them quickly and pulled Sam away from him and into the hallway.

"WHAT THE FUCK JESSIE!" was the first thing Sam said to me. I could see how angry she was. The way she stood, feet apart, hands balled up into fists, and her face looked like she could murder someone with one glance. Damn. She looked hot like this. I wanted to do a few things to her that... I blinked hard as she repeated herself. "Why was Zack all over you?!" I yelled at her. "Zack is like that with everyone calm the fuck down!" she yelled back, her voice rising in both pitch and volume. "Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! How the hell do you expect me to calm down when I try to kiss, but you just turn away!? And then when I ask you what’s wrong you say 'Nothing' and go and let Zack whisper sweet little nothings in your fucking ear right IN FRONT OF ME!" I could feel my face getting red as I yelled louder. Sam started to say something, but out of nowhere Zack burst through the doors. "DON'T YOU FUCKING YELL AT HER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO!" Zack yelled and came stomping up to me.

ZACKS POV

Jessie just walks up and pulls Sam away from me like he owns her. I stood there for a moment trying to calm myself. I am going to rip his head off if I get my hands on him. I waited a few more seconds until I was calm enough not to beat his ass on sight and rushed after them. Ha yeah no. As soon as I laid eyes on Jessie yelling at Sam I lost it. "DON'T YOU FUCKING YELL AT HER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO!" I yelled at him stomping over to him ready to beat him bloody. "Zack just leave." Jessie said sternly. "LEAVE?! So you want me to leave and let you yell at Sam like this? HELL NO!" I stepped closer to him. I was ready to beat the shit out of him when I felt soft hands gently grab my arm. Sam. I didn't want to look at her right now. If I did I would lose my will to fight. So I snatched my arm away from her grasp. Jessie took a step closer to me until we were only a few inches apart. "What the hell are you even doing trying to take her away from me?" he said through clenched teeth. That's it! That was the last straw! Did he really think that Sam was his? If she was any ones she would be mine no doubt. I was about to punch him when her small soft hands stopped me again. Sam's hands grabbed my wrist and were slowly making their way down to my hands as she gently tugged me away from Jessie.

I gave in, snatched my hand away from hers, and walked away. I could hear her footsteps padding quietly against the ground as she tried to keep up with me. Once I stopped she quickly grabbed my arm and spun me around. "What the hell is your problem Zackary!?" Sam screamed at me. I winced. I hated it when anyone called me by my full name. Only when she does it it makes me feel confused inside. I hate it, but then again I love it. "My problem? Did you really think I was going to let him just pull you away without saying a thing to you about why and then yell at you about nothing? Did you honestly think I was going to let him do that!?" I yelled. I. Yelled. I never yell at Sam. Even when I'm beyond mad at her I never yell. She just frowned at me. "Baby I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you." I said softly as I pulled her into my arms for a hug. She buried her face in my chest and didn't say a word. "I just... I hate seeing with him." I said. "Why him? What about the others? How come they didn't bother you?" Sam asked looking up at me. I'm not sure why Jessie was the only one that bothered me so much. I know that I don't like him, but I don't know why seeing him with her tears me up inside.

So I didn't answer, I just leaned down and kissed her. "I want you to be mine again. I miss you." I said against her lips. She pulled away and looked down "I already told you... I'm not ready.". I sighed and pulled her back into me "But when will you be ready? I'm tired of waiting Sam.". She just shrugged. I tilted her face up to mine. "Please baby. Just be mine again. Just-just... I don't know. But what I do know is that I want and need you to be mine again." I begged her. I hated begging. I'd rather just take what I want. Only ask once and after that I just take. If she turned me down right now I would probably lose it. I may even end up getting suspended. Sam shook her head "I don't know Zack. Things are just too complicated being committed. Like what if I messed things up and make you mad at me and then you end up never talking to me again? What if-" I could see the tears starting to form in her eyes. She was truly scared wasn't she? I always thought that she didn't want to be committed because she just didn't have time or didn't want to be tied down just yet. She kept babbling about the what ifs. I hushed her and said "Don't worry about that lets just try and see what happens ok?". "Ok" she whispered and nodded. Then her eyes widened "What about Jessie? I'm still kinda with him you know. And I told him that I would give him a chance and all.". "You gave him a chance and he blew it by being a jealous douchebag." I stated. She just giggled. I smiled and kissed her nose. " So that means you're mine now, right?" I asked for two reasons. 1. I wanted to make sure and 2. I really wanted to hear her say that she was mine. "Maybe. We have to see how things work first." she said smiling. Not the answer I was hoping for, but it will have to do for now. I was about to say something else, but the bell rang and I had to get to class. "I'll see you later baby" I said as I kissed her cheek and walked off to my first hour class.