The 'Feelings' Journal

19. Talking

JESS POV

I'm going to fucking beat him. I'm going to beat him to a bloody pulp. I want her to be mine and only mine. I was driving off school grounds at the speed of light. If I saw Zack I would kill him. Can't do that though because Sam would hate me if I did. I need to go somewhere to calm down. Where to go? Where to go? The park! Some fresh air will do me some good. I arrived at the park and just sat in my car. What the hell? Was all I could think. Why would she just leave me for Zack like that? Maybe she didn't. Maybe she just left to go check up on him. Maybe. I don't even know. I don't know how she works all too well so I just don't know. I was hoping that was the answer, that maybe she went to go check on him.

I sat at the park for a few hours then just drove around town to clear my mind. While I was clearing my mind I came to the conclusion that I needed to go talk to Sam and apologize. And fast before she ends up with Zack. I looked at the time and found out that school has been out for about thirty minutes and started driving to Sam's house.

SAMS POV

I sat on my bed and thought about today. Zack has been all over me and I'm not too fond of PDA. Things like walking me to my locker, carrying my things, walking with me every chance he got, and so on. It was nice and all I just... I don't know. I guess I'm not too fond of affection either. I'm not sure. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Pulling me from my I heard a knock on my door. I seem to get pulled from my thoughts a lot, or maybe I just think too much. I got up and walked downstairs to see who was here.

I opened the door to find Lou. "What do you want?" I asked immediately annoyed. "What the hell is your problem? I know you play guys all the time but I'm not going to let you play my best friend like this!" he shouted. "What are you even talking about? I'm not playing Jessie, Lou." I replied calmly. He scoffed "Yea right. You don't show him any type of interest unless he shows some type of affection! And even when he does he has to do it for sometime for you to actually show any in return!". This was all true, but I wasn't playing him. I stayed silent something I never did when I was talking to Lou. I always had a comeback, but now I don't. He let out a heavy sigh "Why?". "Why what?" I said not looking at him. "Why do you act like this now? We used to be good friends Sam. What happened?" he sounded so hurt. Lou and I have barely talked for about two years and when we did it was just mean remarks to each other. "I don't know." I shrug. "Yes you do! Don't fucking lie to me like this Sam!" He yelled at me. 

LOUS POV

She looked so broken and sad when I asked her what happened. Did she honestly not know what happened to her? No she had to know! How could she not?! "Yes you do! Don't fucking lie to me like this Sam!" I yelled at her. At that moment she immediately broke down crying right in front of me. I stood there shocked not knowing what to do. 'I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.' was the only sentence she could seem to finish between sobs. The only thing I could think to do is pull her into me and hug her. She just cried and cried into my shoulder; every now and then she would try to say something, but I only heard a jumble of words like ' so sad' and 'I don't know' so I told her to hush.

After about ten minutes of crying and my shirt was soaked she stopped and pulled away. She said a small 'sorry' and took a step back. "No no its okay Sam... I just want to know what happened is all." I said talking quietly. She shrugged again. "Sam please tell me..." I begged. Sam stepped out of the house, closed the door behind her and sat down on the porch. I sat down next to her "Have you ever been sad?" she asked. I nodded. "Have you ever been really sad?" she asked looking up at the sky. I nodded again "Yes haven't we all?". She gave me a small smile at my comment then it disappeared. "Have you ever been sad for no reason?" she asked quieter. "No not that I know of..." I replied trying to figure out what she was getting at. "Have you ever... Like have you ever had a good day and all and then just suddenly you get extremely sad for no reason?" she said looking at me with tears in her eyes. "No never." I replied honestly, because I have never been sad for no reason I am generally a happy person. "Are you sad Sam?" I asked not wanting to look at her, the girl that used to dress in bright colors and didn't have a hard look on her face. "Yea... I am Lou. I'm really sad actually. I'm not sure why though. Nothing happened to make me sad I just... got sad." She said tears rolling down her cheeks.

We stayed silent when a car pulled up in her driveway... Jessie. I could hear Sam's breath hitch in her throat "Te-tell him to go away. Tell him I don't feel like talking right now and will talk to him later. Please please just tell him something I-I-I don't want him to see me like this. Not now." She saisd quickly as she wiped her face. I could hear the fear in her voice. Why was she so scared of Jessie seeing her like this? Sam then got up and went into the house slamming the door as Jessie ran up. I stood up "She said she doesn't feel like talking to anyone right now and will talk to you later.". "What why? I need to talk to her. NOW." He said out of breath and started knocking on the door, "SAM! PLEASE COME TALK TO ME!". I pulled him away from the door "She doesn't want to talk Jess! Alright! Just leave her alone for a while. She said that she would talk to you later so wait til later!" I yelled and pushed him off the porch step. Jessie just stood there looking at me. After a moment he walked back to his car and drove off. I sighed and started walking to my house. I heard my phone chime and saw the new message. 

Sam: Thanks Lou

Lou: No problem 

I slid my phone back into my pocket and continued my walk home.