Fear

While All is Quiet

Chapter 34- While All is Quiet

Clary POV

"Jace, stop!" I laugh as he tries to wipe whipped cream across my cheek. "They're for the strawberries."

He chuckles sweetly in response, "Your hair is red enough."

"Hey!" I complain, aiming a grape at his face and rolling my eyes as he catches it perfectly in his mouth.

As soon as Magnus decided I was free to leave the infirmary, Jace decided to create a picnic for us to share inside the beautiful greenhouse- where we had our first kiss (but it was probably just a coincidence that he decided on this location, since Jace didn't have his memories back).

The simple red blanket is spread out on the floor in the middle of the greenhouse, next to a magnificent fountain of the angel Raziel. The blanket is adorned with various foods; chips, fruit, sandwiches, the lot.

Comfortable silence blankets us as I sit, tucked up against Jace's chest, encased in his arms and watch the beautiful sun set. Our view overlooks the beautiful city, the sky set alight by the setting sun. Jace had thought about everything.

"I love you, Clary," Jace states, breaking the silence. He doesn't look at me, just stares at the sky in the distance. "I love you, and I will always love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

"What?" I manage to stutter out, completely baffled by Jace's proclamation of love. Especially because I remember hearing those exact words before.

"I said that to you once before, didn't I? Before Sebastian took my memories?" He finally switches his gaze to mine.

"You remember!" I sit up so that I'm facing him fully. "What else can you remember?"

"Just bits and pieces, mainly memories of you and memories of the Dark War." He admits, his customary crooked grin playing across his lips. "But more memories are constantly coming back to me. Mainly, I remember that I love you."

"I love you too," I peck his lips briefly and gently tug on the golden hair that curls at the base of his neck.

 Even after having heard him say that he loves me many times, it still fills me with awe that when the words leave his lips, they are reserved for me. Our love isn't a temporary fling between two high-schoolers. No, our love is that of warriors. It is the beauty of the sky as night meets day; the delicate wings of a brilliant butterfly; the thousands of words that create a whole novel; the rushing of the tide as it laps at the shore. Our love is beautiful and magnificent and completely consumes me.

"We'll have to talk about it eventually. Sebastian, I mean," Jace reminds me, playing with the ends of my hair. "There are still so many loose ends to figure out."

"For example, why he gave me the memories he did and why Aline Penhallow recognised me but didn't say anything." I continue bluntly.

He blinks. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Sebastian implanted fake memories into my mind- like he did everyone else's- but, he wanted me to forget about the shadow world so that I'd be more likely to join him. If that is truly the case, then why would he give me memories of him hurting and abusing me? Why give me memories of him at all? He also implanted a memory of a demon attacking me at school. I just don't understand how me having these memories helped him at all." I explain.

"Hate's an incredibly strong emotion, Clary," Jace says. "It's very possible that he couldn't eliminate your loathing towards him and had to alter the way in which you came to hate him."

"Even so, why wouldn't Aline tell me she recognised me? I saw her after our talk in the diner," I say. It feels like forever ago that Jace and I had encountered each other at school and he had taken me to a diner to tell me about the shadow world. "As soon as she recognised me, she took off running. But she despised Sebastian in the Dark War, so I can't imagine her helping him."

"No, Aline wouldn't do a thing like that," Jace agrees and I can't help but feel a stab of dumb jealousy. "We can talk about this another time, but for now, can we at least pretend like we're normal? I mean, of course I'll be so incredibly handsome that every woman in sight will still swoon over me, but you'll have to learn to deal with that eventually."

"Jace, I'm the only girl up here."

"Fortunately for you." He raises his eyebrows pointedly. "You should see the women at the bars I go to, they never leave me alone! I can't blame them though, the mundies are incredibly plain-looking." When he sees my unamused glare, he coolly adds, "Not that I go to said bars anymore, I mean."

"Yeah whatever, Jace," I roll my eyes.

He tenderly takes my wrists in his hands and pulls me towards him so that I'm once again safely nestled against his chest, "I'm sorry about your brother, Clary. When you killed Sebastian, you didn't just kill a monster, you killed the brother you could have had, and for that I'm sorry."

I don't say anything in return. I just purse my lips and look deliberately at the ground. The memory of that dream will forever haunt me and quilt me in grief. I will forever remember the way Jonathan had ruffled my hair and called me princess and gave me a piggyback ride and teased me: I will never be able to burn away the knowledge of what it could have been like had I had Jonathan in my life. I will never be able to escape what could have been.

For now though, I will relish in the calm before the storm. I will hold on to a time when nothing mattered other than my family and I will pretend that another war isn't coming my way. I will put on a brave face and pretend that I'm not already shattered inside.

I take Jace's hand to ground me to the present and look into the distance where I will always know that demons are lurking in the dark- my youthful innocence forever burned away by the lingering taste of war and death.

A/N

Hey guys,

We are literally an epilogue away from the end of the first book of this series. But a sequel is headed your way, so follow me to be informed when I post the first chapter of that.

If you're into the Percy Jackson series, check out my other fanfiction 'Almost Home' as hopefully that'll turn out pretty cool.

Thank you so much for all of the support while making this book! You guys have been awesome.

Remember to vote, comment and share this story.

But, until tomorrow, I am signing out.