It was... the Little Things

Getting deep

I always had this thing where when I really wanted to sleep, I couldn't sleep.

It was pretty cold, my room didn't get much sunlight so it was the coldest of them all.

Apparently the colder your room is, the more likely you are to have nightmares. But I've never had a nightmare before, a few sad dreams but never a nightmare.

I pulled up my quilt higher to cover my neck, my nose was freezing but for some weird reason I liked it.

Yes I wasn't normal. But if you think about it, no one really is normal. "Normal" is a very broad term and I guess that everyone has a part of themselves that's normal but the rest isn't.

It's probably midnight by now, which is why I'm getting so deep. Late night and early morning are the times where I would think of things that I would never think of during the day. I don't know why but it's always been like that.

My thoughts would never be specific, I'd think of one thing and end up on something completely different. Sometimes I would try to trace back my thoughts to see how I ended up thinking about something.

My eyelids felt heavy but no matter how many times I'd try to shut them, I just couldn't drift off to sleep. I tried everything, count sheep, think about my happy place(still not sure what it is exactly) even pray. But I just couldn't sleep.

I longed for a dream, anything would do right now. I loved it how you could experience a beautiful dream and just go through it like it was real life, it was like you were actually living it. Exploring, talking to strangers like you actually knew them. The strangers were what intrigued me, I'd read not the internet that you brain can't create faces so all the "strangers" that you come across in a dream are those that you have seen in real life.

But this one time when I was web browsing I read that the stranger is the ghost that stares at you when you sleep. It's creepy but I've never been afraid of ghosts. I believe that they exist, at times I see shadows at the corner of my eyes, maybe even hear whispers, but I've never been afraid.

I guess that it's because I have faith, faith that I will be okay. That everything happens for a reason, everything and everyone comes into my life for a reason.

That's why I had never broken over these past four years. Yes my heart got a few scratches, but all the pieces were there and I'd always known that if my heart was to break then someone would be there to glue it together.

I'd always hoped that Sam would be there with the glue. The glue being a metaphor for an apology. Just one real, sincere apology from him would have sealed the deal for me.

But no matter how much I'd hoped for it.....it never came.

Everyone says that you shouldn't have hope because if you hope for something then you get crushed. And maybe I had gotten my hope crushed a few times with Sam but I never ran out of it. I always remained hopeful that one day someone would come into my life and make me understand why it didn't work out with Sam.

And at this point.....I really believe that the hope payed off.

Oliver.

When someone likes you then you just know Laurels words just rang in my head.

Oliver really did seem to like me and the fact that he trusted me......that meant so much.
Oliver had a hard life, I know that and there must have been so many times that he felt broken. We hadn't spoken about his life except for that one time at the amphitheater and I didn't want to ask. I already knew enough.

I could see that it hurt him talking about his family, the memory of him crying was still fresh. I wanted to help him so badly but I just couldn't.....because I didn't know how.